


Every Choice Led Me To You

by MidnightsVioletHaze



Series: Choices [2]
Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: 5+1 Things, Adoptive Sibling Relationship, Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Brief description of attempted suicide, Developing Relationship, F/M, Gen, M/M, Past Drug Use, Pseudo-Incest, Rape Aftermath, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-04-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 02:47:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1249903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidnightsVioletHaze/pseuds/MidnightsVioletHaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or five times someone told Loki that Thor was in love with him and then one time Thor said it himself. </p><p>Companion piece to 'And In The End, It Was No Choice At All'.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sif

**Author's Note:**

> Age Guide:
> 
> Loki: twelve years old (7th grade)  
> Thor: sixteen years old (10th grade)
> 
> And In The End, It Was No Choice At All Comparison: Takes place after Chapter Two (Aka, Amora).

**One.**

Sitting isolated on the top bleacher, Loki absentmindedly thumbed buttons on his PSP in order to keep up the pretense of playing even as he snuck glances at his older brother practicing on the football field through the dark veil of his lashes. So entranced was he by the sight of Thor running circles around his idiotic teammates, Loki completely missed the second presence joining him in his spot until rough fingers pressed against the still raw scrapes on his cheek.

"Ah!" he cried, jerking away from the stinging contact. Gently resting his own hand against his injured cheek, he glared up at the owner of the offending touch with poisonous green eyes. "Moisturize much, Sif?"

Sif smirked. "My beauty routine is not as extensive as yours, Little Prince," she quipped.

The twelve year old pouted his thin, perpetually red lips at her exaggeratedly. "This radiance you see is all natural," he told her.

"Of course," she said seriously, "Did it come in a packaged deal with that trouble-making personality?"

Loki stretched out his thin body languidly, abandoning his game completely. "And what trouble are you accusing me of making, dear Sif?" he asked, eyes alight with mischief.

Straddling the bleacher, Sif raised an unimpressed brow at the younger boy. "Baiting Amora until she gave you those impressive war wounds," she said straight-forwardly.

"That bottle-blond bitch has talons instead of nails," he sneered.

Sif frowned disapprovingly. "Don't use that language," she said. Despite the scolding, she leaned forward and brushed her fingers more carefully against his red cheek. Loki winced a little, but allowed the contact. "Frigga did not bandage it for you?"

Eyes shut peacefully as he leaned further into Sif's hand, Loki shrugged. "It got itchy," he admitted, sounding his age for once.

Sif smiled at that. "Perhaps you should begin anticipating the consequences of your mischief."

"But where would be the fun in that? Besides, it is a small price to pay to be rid of her."

"Truly? You did not seem to begrudge my own dalliance with Thor," Sif said.

Loki swayed forward, bringing his face closer to Sif's. "It is hardly worth the comparison! Amora was leeching onto Thor, trying to monopolize him so completely that she dared encroach on  _my_  time with him. You were never so clingy. I rather wish you two would have remained together; I'd have had you as a sister!" he declared dramatically.

Feeling Sif's gaze roving his face, Loki kept his expression placid. He was reminded once more that though most people seemed to take his words at face value, even as he learned more fanciful ways to weave them together, there were still some who could not be completely fooled.

In truth, even Loki wasn't sure how much of that he had meant. He  _did_  prefer Sif and he was certain that no girlfriend Thor ever had would measure up. But that was assuming that Thor  _had to have_  a girlfriend. Why couldn't his brother stay single, at least for now? It was bad enough that Loki had to share Thor with his friends. Loki supposed that was the price one had to pay when one had a brother like Thor.

"But I would not have  _you_  as a brother. Especially when I already have an older brother who seems to never take his eyes off me. A younger one that is constantly causing mayhem would be too much," Sif teased.

A wide grin of delight spread across Loki's face. Another point in favour of Sif: she didn't mind playing along. "What's this I hear? The great Sif confessing that she could not handle me?"

"No, the great Sif is confessing that she would not last long before murdering you, which would make your mother very sad," Sif corrected him.

"And we cannot have that," Loki said, "Mother should never be sad."

Sif nodded seriously and they sat silently for a moment enjoying the warm sunshine and the occasional refreshing breeze.

As he was running a thin finger along his PSP's screen to wipe away the dust that had gathered, Loki once again felt Sif's gaze settle on him. He continued to clean his game, waiting. Sif was not the shy type.

Finally Sif spoke. "Were you so certain that Thor would break up with Amora over that?"

"Naturally," Loki said without an ounce of hesitance, "He was not so attached to her."

"And that is all? There is no other reason for your confidence?"

Loki frowned at her suspiciously. "What other reason should there be?"

"That he is in love with you," Sif said. Immediately after this her eyes widened as if she had surprised herself.

Dark brows rising in confused curiousity, Loki chose his words carefully though he did not let on to this fact. "What strange phrasing, Sif. Of course Thor loves me. He's my brother."

Sif's eyes narrowed and Loki was now convinced that something was amiss. He suddenly felt like there was another conversation taking place that he was unaware of. He didn't like the feeling.

Staring back boldly at Sif, Loki saw her avert her eyes to the field and followed her gaze to where the cheerleaders were practicing their routines. Actually, to one cheerleader in particular. Automatically Loki sought out Amora's thin wrist and perhaps it was his mind playing tricks on him, but he was certain that if he looked closely enough he could make out a dark, hand-shaped bruise staining her tanned skin even from yards away.

Loki was taken back to the moment when she had received that mark: a fierce Thor standing over her, righteously defending his brother. He felt that same thrill run down his spine. A spark of fear. He had not anticipated such a forceful reaction. And yet there was something pleasing about it as well. Loki wondered if he should worry about that.

"Yes. He is," Sif agreed belatedly, her murmur startling Loki out of his thoughts.

She was looking at him once more. He felt his skin begin to itch. He considered whether it would be worth playing the waiting game again. Sif was unusually hesitant today. In fact, her entire demeanor today was quite abnormal. Opening his mouth to spin a question in just the right way as to get him the answer he desired, Loki was interrupted by a familiar call.

"Loki!"

Two dark heads turned to see Thor waving up at them, helmet in hand. Apparently he had tired of Loki's inattention.

Loki couldn't help but smile fondly.

Then, deviously, he made a show of picking up his PSP and restarting his game. The loud grunt of annoyance that managed to reach the top of the bleachers had Loki stifling a laugh.

Though Sif was still staring at him, her searching gaze was suddenly easy to ignore.

Sif may have been a fun playmate, but Thor would always be his favourite.

**/One.**


	2. Fandral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Age Guide:
> 
> Loki: sixteen years old (12th grade)  
> Thor: twenty years old (3rd year University)
> 
> And In The End It Was No Choice At All Comparison: This takes place after chapter four and before chapter five, though it is referenced in the latter.

**Two.**

Phone chiming with a personalized ringtone for the fourth time in a row, Loki hit 'ignore' without so much as glancing at the screen.

"Loki, hurry up!"

Loki rolled his head where it was laying against the back of the couch so that he could stare incredulously at his friend. "You  _cannot_  be serious, Sigyn. I have been waiting here for twenty minutes and now  _you_  tell  _me_  to hurry up?"

"Yes, well, which one of us is at the door and ready to go?" Sigyn asked impishly. She was, in fact, standing by the front door with her shoes and purse on.

Glaring playfully, Loki heaved himself off the couch with a dramatic groan. He walked to the door zipping up his black leather jacket and slipping his feet into his metal-embellished shoes. Sigyn gave him a once-with her lively blue eyes and he raised his eyebrows at her.

Smiling, she said, "You look like such a punk." Most likely she was referring to his all-black ensemble and the heavy black eyeliner circling his eyes. The words may have implied some kind of insult, but it was clear from Sigyn's tone and appreciative gaze that she thought it was a good look on him.

Loki ran a hand over his slicked back hair self-consciously – Sigyn was one of the only people who could make him feel that way. "You love it," he said nonetheless, feigning the charming arrogance that Thor always managed to exude.

He was only just starting to get over his need to be like Thor. The whole adoption fiasco had at least proven to him that he could never be big, blond and effortlessly friendly as he simply did not have the correct genes. Meanwhile his family had spent the past summer going overboard trying to convince him that he didn't need to be anything other than himself.

He was, perhaps, finally beginning to believe them.

Nevertheless, Loki had always enjoyed playing make-believe. There was something fun about disguising oneself and putting on a mask of another character. It was fun and he was good at it.

"And how do I look?" Sigyn asked, posing to show off her outfit completely. Loki's eyes slid up the long expanse of leg that was being showcased in her mini-dress, wondering how Sigyn managed to make outfits that would look risque on any other girl seem almost elegant. It must have been her classically beautiful face and the innocence given by her wide blue eyes and slightly curled dark blonde hair.

He scoffed. "I often feel more like your boyfriend than Theoric. Isn't that a question you should ask him?"

"What would be the point? He would never say that I looked bad."

"Only because it's impossible. Tonight you look ravishing as usual," Loki said, pitching his voice low and seductive.

Sigyn only laughed. "Maybe you should have been my boyfriend after all," she said, opening the door.

"I do wonder, on occasion, why we never worked out," Loki admitted, the over-the-top dramatics in his voice not quite covering up the thread of honesty. He followed Sigyn out the door and stood on the steps as she locked up.

"Truly?" she asked as she struggled with the door, back to him.

"Don't you? After all, we would be the perfect couple. I believe there is a club at school dedicated to our relationship and the hopes that we are secretly seeing each other romantically." At Sigyn's disbelieving look, Loki raised his hands up and put on his most innocent expression. "I swear it! Certainly Thor must be the president of the club."

Hooking her arm with his, Sigyn shook her head decidedly. "No, definitely not Thor," she said definitively. At Loki's curious look, she added, "The president of such a club would undoubtedly be Hogun."

Loki quirked a brow at this but agreed easily. "Yes, my mistake. Of course it would be Hogun." He let Sigyn guide them to her car.

Loki himself did not own a car. Despite earning his licence, he was a terror behind the wheel and so his parents had refused to buy him a car. It occurred to Loki that with the amount of groveling they had been prepared to do this summer to make up for their lie of omission about his adoption, he could have requested a car and they would have happily gifted him with the most expensive model on the market. Ah, missed opportunities.

"But if we were to get together, what would we do about Theoric? I would not have the heart to break up with him," Sigyn prompted as they both got into her car and fastened their seatbelts.

Rolling down the window, Loki stretched his arm out and settled comfortably in the seat that was already positioned to accommodate for his considerable height. Nobody else got to ride shotgun with Sigyn. "We would run away and elope," he answered easily, "Buy a house in the countryside. I would be the town dentist – getting paid to inflict torture."

Sigyn giggled as she steered the car out of the driveway and onto the road. "And me?"

"You would earn your degree and be the most favoured literature professor at the local university," he said. He leaned forward and typed in the address Theoric had given them into Sigyn's GPS.

"What about kids?" Sigyn asked, turning as instructed by the GPS voice.

"Two of them; one b-"

"Both boys," Sigyn cut in.

"Why not a girl?" Loki asked curiously.

Sigyn kept her eyes on the road. "Somehow I have the feeling we would have two boys.

"Oh," Loki leaned his head on his hand and turned to look expectantly as Sigyn. "And what would their names be?"

"Vali and…Nari," Sigyn said. "And if we were lucky, they would look like you and behave like me."

"Sigyn I am shocked!" Loki said around a chuckle, "You act as if you do not participate in my tricks."

"Only because I would never leave you to face punishment alone," Sigyn declared seriously.

Loki turned towards the window to hide his smile. "If only we were in love. Theoric is a lucky man," he lamented.

"As is your soulmate."

"That is assuming I have one," Loki said, smirking ruefully.

"You do," Sigyn said, voice steady and sure.

Loki didn't respond and instead began to play with the radio. "So do you think we shall stick out like sore thumbs at this party?" Loki asked instead.

"Theoric said that it was a party being thrown by his dorm, so it will mostly be freshmen. We'll only be a year younger; nobody will notice," Sigyn said, allowing the subject change.

Loki let his head fall against the headrest. "Speak for yourself," he moaned, "Thanks to my late birthday, I am certain that I will be the only wide-eyed, sixteen year old there. They shall be able to smell the innocence on me."

Sigyn rolled her eyes. "You have only ever been wide-eyed and innocent when you were trying to weasel your way out of something. Now that you have finally gotten your growth spurt nobody will be able to tell you apart from a university student, even with such a cute face."

Loki screwed up his 'cute' face at her and Sigyn laughed.

* * *

Smirking at the quiet noise of distaste Sigyn let out, Loki surveyed the common room they had just entered. Red solo cups littered the floor and questionable stains could be found on nearly every surface. Loki had seen worse, of course. He'd been to parties where people did lines of cocaine off of each other's body parts. This was nothing in comparison.

Spotting Theoric across the room, Loki pointed his friend in that direction and gave her an encouraging nudge. "Go say hi to your boyfriend, I know you have missed each other quite a lot."

Sigyn frowned up at him. "What about you?" she asked.

He didn't blame her for being hesitant to leave him alone at a party. He had often crashed at her house after his wilder nights out and she had seen firsthand the kind of trouble he could get into. "I'll find a way to entertain myself," he told her. When this only made her frown deepen, he squeezed her arm reassuringly. "I promised I wouldn't do  _that_  anymore."

She watched his face carefully for a few seconds more before nodding once. "You had better not," she said with another short nod. Then she left to meet Theoric, pausing every now and then to look back at him.

Loki's phone rang once more. He scowled at the name on the ID and then turned it off. Crossing his arms against his chest, he looked about the crowd for someone to catch his eyes. Although he had sworn off the drugs, there was one particular indulgence that he missed from his rebellious days and wanted to partake in again. He received a few interested looks but didn't feel an overwhelming tug of desire towards anybody in the room. Eyeing a rather fetching blonde with a friendly and open face, Loki was interrupted in his perusal by a heavy weight on his shoulder.

" _Excuse me_ ," Loki sneered, trying to jerk away but finding himself trapped. A hand stretched out in front of him and he suddenly was staring at Thor

"Loki! You have been ignoring my calls!"

Or rather, it was an image of Thor on a phone.

Loki rolled his eyes so hard it almost pained him. "You know I prefer texting. And I would think that my ignoring your calls would get the point across: I  _don't_  want to talk to you right now."

Thor's hurt face caused a pang of guilt to ring out in Loki's chest. "Brother, I was only concerned. We have not talked much since I returned to school and this is your first party since-"

" _Don't_  call me that!" Loki said coldly. He bit his lips to stop from saying anything he would later regret. He didn't  _really_  want to push Thor away, but his feelings concerning the older Borson were always bit muddled. It was just frustrating, Thor being so far away at university. Loki was trying to reacclimate himself to being without, caught between relishing being able to breathe easier without Thor's enormous shadow hanging over him but also missing his constant childhood companion. He sighed. "Look Thor, I am not going to fall apart the moment you leave."

Thor started to speak and then seemed to think better of it.  _'But you did the last time'_  was what he was surely thinking. Loki was good at reading people, especially Thor. Finally Thor spoke, "I know. I just worry, br…Loki."

"There is no need. I'm  _fine_. Now please, allow me to have a little fun and, perhaps, try doing so yourself. One would think you have better things to do on a Friday evening than check up on me. Aren't university students supposed to be big on partying?" Loki said, a hint of good-humoured teasing entering his voice.

This seemed to relax Thor and he grinned broadly. "Ah, we are, but only for the first year. After that they begin assigning you real work and you find yourself forgetting that there is a world outside of the library. And even if I were not busy studying, there is nothing I would rather do than spend time with you."

Loki felt a lump form in his throat and he forced himself to swallow around it. The stupid sentimental idiot somehow always knew exactly what to say to reduce Loki to mush and make him hate himself for ever thinking badly of Thor. " _You_ at the  _library_? I will only believe it once I see it," he teased, ignoring the last statement. If Thor looked disappointed at the lack of returned sentiment…Loki pretended not to notice.

"I will be sure to send you a picture. Tomorrow. For now, enjoy your party."

Thor hung up and Loki found himself smiling at a blank screen. Then he was turned around so that he was smiling at a tipsy Fandral. Loki's smile transformed into a frown. "Fandral you scoundrel!" he growled.

Fandral only grinned sheepishly. "Ah, sorry about that, Little Prince. I mentioned that Theoric mentioned that you and Sigyn would be coming here and then Thor wouldn't stop calling. Drastic measures needed to be taken, sacrifices to be made. You suffered for a noble cause."

Loki pursed his lips, unimpressed. "I would hardly call freeing up your phone so that you can continue to send 'dick pics' to several unfortunate souls a 'noble cause'."

Fandral roared with laughter in the way that only an inebriated person could do. "On the contrary, it would truly be a travesty if those pictures could not be sent. Beautiful things are meant to be shared rather than kept locked away," he said, wiggling his eyebrows in a purposefully faux-sexy and silly way. He continued to do so until Loki broke and a smile tugged at the younger's lips.

Finally ceasing in his struggling to get out of Fandral's hold, Loki felt the older boy's grip relax as well until they were both more comfortable. "What is a third year like yourself doing at a freshmen party?" Loki asked.

"Being a third year, I am certain in the fact that nothing compares to freshmen girls," Fandral explained.

Loki shook his head in only partly feigned disgust. "Finding that your so-called charm fails to seduce more sophisticated and wisened women? How surprising," Loki said, voice layered in heavy sarcasm.

"Imp!" Fandral crowed as he ruffled Loki's hair beyond repair.

"Fandral!" Loki cried, shoving the older boy away. He ran his fingers uselessly through his hair before giving up. He glared up at Fandral.

Fandral held up his hands appeasingly. "Come now, it looks better this way. As if you've been doing naughty things; sexy." Seeing that Loki still looked displeased, Fandral gently began to lead the younger boy with a hand at the small of his back. "Look, I'll make you a drink to make up for it," he promised.

Loki kept his body stiff, though he allowed himself to be led. "The last drink you made me had me throwing up my stomach's entire contents and then some," he reminded Fandral.

"Admittedly the Irish Car Bomb was a bad idea. I mistook you for a whiskey person. I should have known that beneath that cold persona lurks a hidden sweetness. I'll make you a Long Island Iced Tea; you'll love it," Fandral rambled as he guided them into a filthy kitchen.

Finding a relatively clean spot on the counter, Loki leaned against it as he watched Fandral make his drink. Skeptical about a drink with so many different types of alcohol tasting good, Loki nonetheless took the prepared drink from Fandral. Sipping tentatively from the glass, Loki's eyes widened and he stared at Fandral in surprise. Fandral winked back.

They stayed in the kitchen for a while longer bantering back and forth and soon enough Loki had consumed three Long Island Iced Teas while Fandral switched between Bloody Mary's and a simple rum and coke.

Sitting up on the counter now and feeling a definite buzz, Loki took the time to look around at the other people occupying the kitchen. His mind was once again focused on finding a potential hook-up. He noticed a sweet looking redhead nervously drinking what looked to be a glass of water. Head tilting to the side in consideration, he felt a warm burst of air hit his temple.

"Oh, I hope you are not planning on taking up with that shy thing. She is, without a doubt, a virgin and would have no idea what to do with you. And you are certainly not in a state to teach her."

Loki realized the truth of the statement and moved his gaze to a boy that was raiding the fridge. His build was decently big and Loki appreciated the fit of his jeans as he ducked into the fridge.

"I spotted him earlier. I think you shall be unpleasantly surprised when-"

The boy straightened up, shut the fridge and turned around. Loki winced.

"-you see his face. Not quite gone enough for that. As your friend, I would never let you do that to yourself. Naturally I expect the same in return."

Rolling his eyes, Loki's gaze then darted to a tall and shapely girl with a mess of brown curls who was pouring herself a drink.

"She's unquestionably lovely, but also unquestionably a lesbian."

Loki whirled his head around to glare at Fandral. Seeing as Fandral had been leaning down to whisper his commentary, this put their faces just a hairsbreadth apart. "And how could you possibly know that?" Loki hissed, still aware enough of social graces as to not want to be overheard by said girl.

Putting on a faux-offended face Fandral said, "I'll have you know that my gaydar is perfectly tuned! I also saw her getting quite hot and heavy with another girl earlier."

"She could be bi," Loki insisted, not because he was particularly set on this girl, but just for argument's sake.

"I suppose she could be," Fandral allowed, "Would you like to go and find out?"

Loki didn't move an inch, glaring up at the blond. Slowly the annoyance faded from Loki's face and his heavily lidded eyes became curious. With his defined muscles, blond hair and roguishly handsome face, Fandral was definitely more Loki's type than any of the other prospects Loki had seen so far. An enticing smile began to spread across his face as his green eyes lit with nefarious intent.

* * *

"Ouch!" Fandral grunted as his head banged against a wall. He was cut short by a pair of teasing lips. A lean body pressed against his and he automatically moved to grip thin hips between his hands.

Loki nipped playfully at Fandral's lip before pulling back to smirk up at him with lust-darkened green eyes that shone even in the dark, abandoned dorm room.

Shoving the all-too-willing older boy further into the room, Loki kicked the door shut and proceeded to collapse onto the laughably small bed. Splaying himself out in an inviting manner, Loki raised a brow at the captivated blond.

Fandral needed no further invitation and Loki at once found himself being pushed into the mattress by a heavy weight. Loki let himself bask in Fandral's worshipping caresses along his body and sweet kisses upon his neck for a few moments. Fandral's reputation was clearly well-deserved as his practiced touches proved. But Loki was experienced as well and was getting impatient with Fandral's sedate pace.

He tugged the other boy's head up and pulled him into a searing kiss. Fandral moaned loudly as Loki sucked expertly on his tongue. Using one hand to tilt Fandral's head as he kissed him deeply, Loki scraped the short nails of his other hand lightly against Fandral's muscled back. Reaching the top of Fandral's jeans, Loki circled his hand around and slipped it past the belted front and found that the other boy had chosen to go commando today. Loki voiced his approval into their kiss.

Suddenly a hand caught Loki's wrist. Loki groaned in frustration, pulling away from Fandral's lips. He gazed up at the older boy with fever-bright eyes, bewildered. Fandral returned the look with the strangest expression caught on his face: part sorrowful, part resigned. It didn't suit the usually jovial boy's face.

Despite his exasperation, Loki forced himself to calm down. Loki had grown up with Fandral. He was Thor's friend and somehow, through years of flowers from Frigga's garden, hair ruffles and good-natured banter, Loki had come to care for him after a fashion as well. "What's wrong?" Loki asked.

Fandral chuckled sardonically. "It seems I just remembered who exactly I was doing this with."

Flushing in embarrassment as the words sunk in, Loki elbowed the older boy and tried to scramble out from under him. "I have no intention of being a replacement for someone," he growled, pushing against Fandral's unyielding form.

"Loki, Loki, calm down," Fandral murmured soothingly, catching Loki's flailing limbs with gentle, but firm, hands. "That is not what I meant at all. It is simply that I remembered you are not just Loki. You are not just my Little Prince. You are also Thor's brother."

At this, Loki stilled beneath Fandral. "Thor! What does he have to do with this?" he spat.

"If I let this happen, he would never forgive me," Fandral explained.

Loki sneered, fingers curling to bite into the palms of his hands. "I hate to break whatever fantasy you have of me being pure as driven snow, but I am  _not_  a blushing virgin, Fandral. I have had sex before and I will have sex again and it is not up to Thor whether I do these things nor who I do them with."

"But-"

"But  _nothing_ ," Loki seethed. "I am  _so sick_ , of  _everything_  being about  _Thor_! Always being compared to him, being trapped in his shadow. But god forbid I resent him for it because then he will turn that wounded look upon me as if it is his  _right_  to be loved. Because after all, doesn't everybody just  _love_ him! What about  _me_? What about how  _I_  feel? I do not want to be just another in his endless line of worshipers. I am my own person!" He panted harshly, throat raw from his angry tirade.

"Loki," Fandral whispered, amazed by the outburst. "Loki, you must know that you would never be just another face in the crowd to Thor. He  _loves_  you. He's in love with you." He looked down at Loki with tender blue eyes. "That is why I could never betray him like this, no matter how much I might want to."

Loki gasped. A red blush rose to his cheeks and his body trembled. He began to squirm under Fandral's soft gaze. Nobody looked at him like that. Nobody except…

He bristled. "Fandral, you drunken, wannabe Lothario! Stop spouting nonsense and get  _off of me_!"

Finally managing to free himself of the blond's hold, Loki rushed out of the dorm room feeling Fandral's heavy gaze upon him with every step he took. Adjusting his clothing as he reentered the common room, Loki searched around for Sigyn. Not looking where he was going, he bumped into a hard chest and would have face-planted if not for the other person catching him by the shoulders.

"Sorry, I – Svad!" Loki exclaimed upon looking at his saviour's face. "What are you doing here!"

Svadilfari smiled in amused bafflement. "Loki, you know I am doing my post-grad studies here."

"No, no," Loki said, swaying closer to speak properly over the loud music, "I mean  _here_  here. The party here."

"Theoric mentioned you would be coming along with Sigyn," Svadilfari said.

"He's just telling  _everybody_ ," Loki grumbled.

"You didn't want to see me?"

Loki shook his head vigourously. "No, that's not what I meant. Honestly, at this moment I cannot describe how relieved I am to see a friendly face that is in no way associated with  _Thor_."

Svadilfari's brows furrowed with worry. "You look upset. Come, let's go to my apartment. It'll get you away from all this noise and you can clear your head a little bit. Then perhaps you will tell me what is wrong and let me ease your mind."

"I came here with Sigyn, though. I wouldn't want to abandon her."

"She's with Theoric. I ran into her earlier and she told me she was planning on spending the night with him. She asked me to make sure you were fine and had somewhere to stay. She said she texted you," Svadilfari said, running a reassuring hand through Loki's hair.

Leaning into the touch, Loki frowned a bit. "I turned my phone off," he said.

"Well there you go. Are you ready to leave?"

Hesitating for a moment, Loki finally nodded. "Yes, let's go."

**/Two.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read the first part of this series, you know some shit is about to go down like whoa.


	3. Sigyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!  
> This is the chapter for which those rape/non-con warnings are for! There is a fairly graphic recount of sexual assault on a main character, so please proceed with caution. If this is something that you don't think you can handle, I suggest skipping this chapter.
> 
> Age Guide:
> 
> Loki: Still sixteen years old  
> Thor: Still twenty years old
> 
> And In The End, It Was No Choice At All Comparison: Still between chapter four and five. There is reference to specific events from both of those chapters.

**Three.**

When Loki awoke it was with a horrible sort of fear. His body was worryingly sore and the past night was but a frightening blur. Looking around the unfamiliar room he was in and the unfamiliar bed he was laying upon and the familiar arm that was curled across his abdomen it didn't take long for Loki to piece together what had happened.

He had always been rather clever.

Slipping out from under the muscled arm, Loki's bare feet hit the hardwood floor soundlessly. He stood haltingly and began to gather his crumpled and even slightly ripped clothing in a mechanical fashion. Dressing himself gingerly, Loki stole out of the apartment building like a specter.

It took him three hours to walk home. The harsh sun beat down on him and several cabs tried to cajole him into their backseats, but he walked as if in a trance.

Once he reached his house, Loki did not even think to unlock the door. Luckily there was no need and he entered easily. The open concept kitchen was the closest room to the front door and as quietly as Loki was while shutting the door behind him, it did not go unnoticed. Over the bustling sounds of Frigga setting the table for breakfast – with their finest cutlery and all of the food laid out on proper serving dishes, as Frigga's mother had done and her mother before her and as Loki always suspected he would do himself – his mother's gentle voice rang out.

"Loki, is that you, darling? I thought we had agreed that from now on you would call if–" As she had been speaking Frigga had been walking towards the hallway, a glass of apple juice in her hand – Loki's favourite. When she stepped into the open archway, she froze. Her fingers trembled and the glass fell to the floor, shattering upon impact.

Loki didn't know what he looked like to her in this moment. He had not so much as caught a glimpse of his reflection since waking. However, it had been impossible to miss the dark, hand-shaped bruises that littered his pale skin: wrists, hips, thighs, upper arms and who knows where else. From the ache of his neck and his left cheekbone, Loki suspected that there was even further evidence of the previous evening written on his skin.

Looking down at his mother, Loki felt stripped bare of everything that had ever given him substance. The horrified expression on Frigga's face did little to mar her beauty, and the golden sunlight glinting off of her equally golden hair was too much for Loki to bear. It  _hurt_. When she reached out as if to touch him, he flinched back.

If she was distressed by his response, Frigga didn't show it. A mask fell down upon her face, betraying no emotion. Loki had so rarely seen this happen, but he knew the sight well; the gentle, loving mother and wife was gone, replaced by a warrior queen.

"We're going to the hospital," she said in a tone that brooked no argument. She ushered him out the door and into her car with her voice alone. Loki was grateful for the respite. As long as Frigga was telling him what to do, then Loki did not have to make any decisions for himself. He allowed his brain to marinate in a bleak haze as he followed first Frigga's orders and then those of the nurses and doctors. Time passed in a blur and Loki had no concept of how long he spent being poked and prodded. Frigga demanded a rape kit and the doctors agreed and Loki went through the motions as required. When he was asked to 'describe the assault in as much detail as possible', Loki requested that his mother, who had been a protective and unobtrusive presence throughout the procedure, be asked to leave.

"My friend Sigyn and I had been invited to her boyfriend's dorm's party at Aesir University. She drove us there yesterday night and we arrived at around eleven o'clock. We separated almost immediately and I met up with a childhood friend. We drank and talked and then we began to hook up in of the empty rooms."

"Hook up? Could you be more specific?" Doctor Eir asked.

"We made out a little. No clothes were removed," Loki clarified in a detached voice, "He had second thoughts, so I left. When I re-entered the party I bumped into another friend. He invited me back to his place, saying that Sigyn would be staying the night, so I wouldn't have a ride back home. I agreed and we went to his apartment. When we were there he offered me a beer and I drank it."

"Was the beer in a bottle? Did you see him open it?"

"Yes, it was in a bottle and I opened it myself."

"Did it taste differently than usual? Did you feel strange after drinking?"

Loki's blank gaze slid along the ugly, vomit coloured walls. "I don't drink beer very often, but I don't think that it tasted unusual and I did not feel any kind of adverse effect other than normal inebriation."

"If you are certain, then please continue."

"We were chatting – inconsequential small-talk – and I do not know how the topic came up, but suddenly he was telling me that he loved me and had wanted me for years. I told him it was a terrible joke, but he assured me he was serious. Then he…he kissed me. I pushed him away and said that I didn't see him in that manner. He tried to kiss me again and I once more resisted. He got angry then, asked me why I always turned away from love, why I refused to allow anybody to care for me."

A mirthless smirk tugged at Loki's scabbed lips. "I told him he was full of shit. After that he grabbed me and shoved me down on the couch we were sitting on. He kept trying to kiss me and I kept turning my face away. He got tired of that quickly and struck me in the face. He immediately apologized profusely and kissed me – this time I was too scared to stop him. I stayed complacent, but when he began to undo my jeans I struggled again. He was very forceful and managed to undress me. He kept kissing me all over and whispering how much he loved me, how… _beautiful_  I was. I tried to close my eyes, but he forced me to maintain eye contact – he said he wanted to see me, and that he wanted me to see  _him,_ see his love.

He dragged me to his bedroom and laid me out on the bed. Then he used lubrication to prepare me. He did not seem in any rush and was very thorough. I was wary to try anything because he had already proved that he could overpower me and I had no desire to make this anymore painful than it had to be. I had resigned myself by then. He penetrated me without a condom and continued until he finished inside of me. Then he made sure that I released as well. I passed out at that point. When I woke up, I did not remember much of what happened, but I knew enough to leave straight away. As I walked home, the memories came back to me." Loki took a deep, shuddering breath, "That is all."

Doctor Eir didn't ask any more questions after that. She just handed him a tissue, thanked him for his courage and exited the room.

Loki stared at the tissue wordlessly before lifting a hand to his face. He was crying.

The door opened again and Loki looked up to see Frigga come in. Sitting motionlessly on one of the uncomfortable rubber beds in the examination room clothed only in a hospital gown, he gazed at her, green eyes dulled and lifeless, unable to glean anything from her still masked face.

"Your father has just arrived from picking Thor up at the airport. They're both in the waiting room and would like to see you –"

Loki's eyes widened. "N-No! I can't! Mother, I can't! Please, don't make me, I can't!" Loki screamed hysterically. It was the first sign of emotion he had displaced all day. Curled in on himself, Loki continued to cry out half-sentences until Frigga hushed him softly, getting as close as she could without inciting physical contact. Once he had calmed down, Loki became aware of the Doctor Eir standing in the doorway. She and Frigga spoke quietly before addressing him directly.

"Loki, we've completed the Rape Kit and taken blood to check for any STIs. Despite the heavy bruising, we did not find any tearing or internal damage, which means that if you so wish it, then you may return home. However, I would advise a longer stay under our observation, just to err on the side of caution," Doctor Eir said. She had been their family doctor since Loki was a child and the soothing tone of her voice paired with her refusal to sugarcoat anything reminded Loki of when he had broken his arm in the fourth grade trying to avoid a two bicycle collision with Thor: she had not been unsympathetic, but she had not coddled him either.

Though he was comforted by the stability Eir represented, Loki found himself unable to meet her eyes. "I would like to go home," he said in a quiet, raspy voice, green eyes aimed somewhere past her rounded shoulders.

He felt her searching gaze over his face, but continued to stare obstinately away. "As I said, it is your decision to make, Loki."

"And I've made it."

After signing a few papers, using one of the private showers and changing into the clean clothes his mother had brought, Loki was finally released from the hospital. Frigga drove the both of them home in a charged silence. Loki presumed that Odin and Thor had been sent away, as he had not passed either of them in the waiting room.

Upon arriving home, Loki simply walked up to his room and collapsed on his bed. Then he slept. He spent the next few days sequestered in his room, deep in thought. Haunted by the memories of that night and by decisions he was going to have to make, Loki found it difficult to do more than just lay on his bed, curled into a ball. Even sleep evaded him after that first night.

Frigga would come in and check on him at least five times a day. Though she coaxed him to eat, she left him to his thoughts and did not force him to speak to her. She was unendingly patient.

Odin did not visit Loki, at least not during the day. His father would sneak into his room during the night and keep vigil by his bedside until the sun rose. He was once more a much-appreciated guardian against the dark and the ghoulish apparitions that came with it, as he had been in Loki's childhood. For both of their sakes, the two of them pretended that Loki was asleep.

As for Thor…Loki had made it explicitly clear that he did not want to see Thor. He could hear Thor raging despite their house's thick walls, but was not moved in the slightest. Loki knew he couldn't avoid Thor forever, but sometimes he wished he could.

It came to a head on a Tuesday. Loki was laying limply on his bed when suddenly Thor burst into his room. It was midmorning and Thor had plainly taken the opportunity while their parents were both out, apparently unwilling to wait any longer.

"Loki! Brother!" Thor rushed to his bedside even as Loki jerked up into a sitting position. Thor tried to pull Loki into one of his frequent embraces, but Loki jerked away. Undeterred, as Loki often halfheartedly avoided his hugs, Thor tried again.

This time Loki let out a shrill cry. "Don't touch me!"

"Loki," Thor breathed, face falling as he looked at Loki properly for the first time. The bruises had been persistent and still stood out stark on the canvas of Loki's skin. Thor fell back into the chair set up at Loki's bedside, his face the picture of anguish.

"What part of 'I don't want to see you' do you not  _comprehend_ , Thor?" Loki bit out. In his baggy sweatpants and pullover, head ducked so as to hide as much of his face as possible, Loki didn't make the most intimidating picture. On the contrary, he looked small, wounded.

Thor was aghast. "Loki,  _please_. Being under the same roof as you and yet being unable to see you with my own eyes to assure that you are whole and hale…it is torture. I could not stand it a second longer. Loki, please,  _talk to me_. I was terrified when father called. I still am."

Green eyes glared out from a shroud of dank, black hair. " _Talk_  to you," Loki sneered, "What about, Thor? What would you like to  _know?_  That he held me down? That I fought , but not hard enough? That soon enough I gave up and just let him have his way? That the entire time he wouldn't stop repeating how much he  _loved me_?"

Each sentence hit Thor like a blow. He cringed with every word, hands forming into clenched fists, blue eyes glinting with rage clouded tears.

Kneeling on his bed now, Loki pulled off his sweater and pushed up the sleeves of the long-sleeved shirt that he was wearing beneath it. "Did you want to know about how he left his filthy marks all over me and that even if these bruises eventually fade, I will  _never_  truly be able to rid him from my skin?" Loki faced Thor fully, chest rising and falling in time with his panting breaths as they stared at each other. "Is  _that_  what you wanted to hear?"

" _Loki_." Both Borson brothers started at this because the mournful whisper hadn't come from either of them.

There, standing in the open doorway with her hand still clutched around the door knob, stood Sigyn, tears staining her cheeks.

"Sigyn! What are you doing here?" Loki asked, alarmed. He haphazardly tugged the large sweater back over his thin frame, as if it would erase what Sigyn had already undoubtedly seen.

Wiping at her cheeks with balled up fists, Sigyn sniffled. "I-I...You didn't meet me on Friday night, after the party…I waited for you, but you didn't come. I called and you didn't answer; not even the next day. And then you didn't come to school on Monday or today…I had no proof that you had even made it home safely! I decided to use my study hall period to check up on you…" she explained. "What you said…did that truly happen? When I should have been with you?" Her voice faltered at this. "W-Who...?"

"It doesn't matter," Loki said at the same time as Thor spat out, "Svadilfari."

Sigyn gasped and Loki turned angrily towards Thor. " _Leave_ ," he ordered lowly.

Thor looked ready to protest, but then his blue eyes darted towards Sigyn and he nodded. "I'll come back later," Thor promised, leaving before Loki could contradict him.

The sound of the door shutting closed seemed to remind Sigyn of her own ability to move and she moved forward, stopping short at the edge of the bed. She looked at him softly and then, forgoing the chair, Sigyn sat down on the bed, careful to keep her distance.

"Oh, Loki," she murmured, looking lost, "I...I do not know what to say."

"I did not mean for you to see that."

"And what? Did you mean to keep me in the dark? To carry this burden unassisted, bottling up your feelings as usual?" Sigyn's voice shook, heartbreak plain as day on her face. "I should have been there. I promised you that I would never let you face danger by yourself, but when you needed me most…" She paused here, breath hitching in a tell-tale sign of more tears trying to stain her face anew. "I am so sorry. It is my entire fault! I saw how he looked at you, but I thought it harmless. I never thought he would – how  _could_ he? He was supposed to be our friend,  _your_ friend. You  _trusted_  him."

Loki's shoulders slumped. "It seems I sold my trust too cheaply," he said.

"He had us all fooled!" Sigyn said, disgust and anger warring for supremacy on her delicate features. Then, more gently, she asked, "What will you do about him?"

When Loki didn't answer, Sigyn leaned forward imploringly. "Please Loki, share with me your heart, your pain. Do not insist on facing this all alone. I am here. I always will be."

Loki eyed the door. If it were anyone else, he would have suspected eavesdropping, but Thor was as honourable as they came. "Nothing. I want nothing more to do with him. If I press charges, his parents are unlikely to take it sitting down and I will be forced to see him in court. Publicizing this will only allow it to haunt me even more easily. Though I am not yet of age that the media would be able to expose my name, I do not doubt that it would come out eventually unless it is buried now."

Biting her lip, Sigyn's brow furrowed. "I…understand. Though I want nothing more than for that bastard to rot in prison, it is your decision to make, Loki. And I will stand by you no matter what you choose."

Loki let out a sigh of relief. It was the first time he had voiced his plans. Nobody else had dared ask as of yet. It was reassuring for the first person he had told to support him so whole heartedly. Still, he worried about informing his family.

"Thor will not be happy about this," Sigyn said, voicing Loki's thoughts as she so often did.

Eyes narrowing stubbornly, Loki responded, "I care not for what Thor thinks."

Sigyn looked at him with soft eyes. "Oh, Loki. You are normally a much better liar."

"I  _don't_ ," Loki insisted, frowning, "I wish he would go back to school. I don't understand what he means to accomplish by being here nor why father even thought to call him." Lips beginning to tremble, Loki turned his bottle green eyes on Sigyn. "He didn't have to  _know_. By the time he came back for summer break…I could have pretended it never happened. But now…when he looks at me, he will be able to see how…broken I am.  _Used_. I cannot stand it."

"Thor would never – "

Loki glared, pursing his lips to stop their shaking. "How would  _you_  know? Thor is so golden and shining and  _perfect_. I have  _never_  been able to measure up. And that was before… _before_. Now I am further away from him than ever. A disgusting, pathetic creature that doesn't even deserve to be in his presence. When he looked at me just now…it burned. Because I know that he must finally see what has been clear to everyone our entire lives: I am  _nothing_ , not worth a single moment of his time."

Sigyn reared back in shock. "Loki that is  _not_  true. Though you are different from Thor, it has never made you any less  _worthy_. You are so important and precious to me and to so many people that I simply cannot comprehend how you remain so...so blind to your own value. You are brilliant and witty and sweet in the most surprising and thoughtful of ways," she asseverated.

"People often attribute your pranks to a cry for attention, but in reality it is because ever since you were a child you have always loved to make people laugh. I remember when we were twelve and you would buy Leah a milkshake every day because you thought she looked unhappy. Then there was that time that you saw Tyr bullying that poor dog and you chased him off and Tyr was running away so quickly that he tripped over his own feet and sprained his wrist. You spoiled that pup so much to make up for Tyr's cruelty that it followed you around like you were its mother for weeks. Though you mistaken it for weakness and try desperately to hide it, you have one of the kindest hearts I know." Sigyn was pleading now, "How can you not  _see_   _that_? Without you, my life would be that much emptier, Loki. And I am certain Thor feels the same."

Leaning forward to meet a startled pair of green eyes, Sigyn's voice rang steady and true. "You should have seen him on that day you found out about your true parentage – or rather the next day. When I answered the door…it was clear he hadn't slept a wink. But there Thor was, having driven however many miles on a school night, all to get to  _you_. Looking at his distraught face, I felt as though I was seeing straight into his heart. I saw that there was nothing Thor would not do for you. There was no distance too far, no task too great."

Sigyn paused here, averting her eyes uncomfortably. "I thought myself crazy afterwards, convincing myself that I had misread the situation, but in that moment I was so sure…Thor…" She looked back at Loki to confess, voice lowered as if it were a terrible secret, "I think...oh Loki, I think Thor is  _in love_  with you."

There was a minute of absolute, petrifying silence. Loki's thin fingers grasped his bed sheets so tightly that his knuckles bled white.

"Get out," Loki seethed quietly.

Sigyn blinked. "Loki?"

" _Get out_!" he snarled, green eyes flashing violently.

Jumping to her feet, Sigyn stood indecisively at the foot of Loki's bed, starting at the boy in frightened confusion. Loki had never raised his voice towards her. "I-I don't-"

"Did you not hear me? I told you to get out!" he shouted ruthlessly, "And don't come back here." Sigyn didn't move. "Now!" Loki barked.

Finally, eyes wide and teary, Sigyn ran out of the room, bumping into Thor on her way out without pausing to apologize.

"What is going on in here?" Thor asked rather uselessly, caught between watching Sigyn race down the stairs and eyeing Loki's frozen form. It was hardly a choice. Stepping into Loki's room, Thor approached the bed as if it were a rabid animal likely to bite. "Why the shouting?" Thor asked gently, claiming the spot which, until recently, had been occupied by Sigyn.

"It was nothing," Loki answered curtly after a long pause.

Brows creasing in concern, Thor stared at the other boy. Loki's expression was furious, but beneath the anger his face was pale as a ghost, terrified.

Loki willed Thor to leave. He sat motionlessly on his bed, hoping that if he kept his silence, Thor would admit defeat. It was incredibly unlikely, but Loki did not know what else to do.

A movement in his periphery caught Loki's attention and his head shot up, wide eyes meeting Thor's despite his best efforts. Thor's arm was outstretched, hand clearly aimed at its favourite spot: curled around the nape of Loki's neck.

Loki thought about moving, thought about unleashing more verbal abuse on Thor for daring to try and touch him, but...something in Thor's storm coloured eyes gave Loki pause.

Cautiously, Thor's motionless arm began to move again. It was not a smooth gesture, but was jarred instead; its path had clearly been redirected. Rather than go for Loki's neck, Thor moved his hand to Loki's bed. Palm flat against the dark green sheets, Thor slowly began to inch his arm closer towards Loki's.

All of this was done wordlessly. Thor had never been good at expressing himself verbally. He was a man of action.

And Loki, despite his dexterous grasp of the English language and his ability to bend and shape phrases so sinuously as to change their meaning completely, had never been particularly reassured by words. He knew all too well how easy it was to lie. Ironically, Loki had always found solace in soft, loving touches that could not be faked: amicable pats on his back from friends, a warm grasp on his shoulder from Odin, cherishing kisses on his forehead from Frigga, a reverent hand cradling his neck from Thor.

In response to Thor's continually advancing hand, Loki immediately tensed; every muscle in his body stiffened in apprehension. He didn't move away though. Unlike his reaction to all previous attempts, Loki did not try to put as much distance as possible between himself and the impending touch. Instead he waited. As the seconds ticked by and Thor's hand drew nearer, Loki found himself relaxing, little by little. Just as their fingertips were about to brush, Loki fanned his fingers out widely and, unquestioningly, Thor's own deliberately filled the spaces left behind. Sliding his hand forward with purpose, Thor was careful to maintain a thin line of air between their fingers, stopping just short of actual skin contact.

Staring down at their hands slotted together like puzzle pieces, Loki whimpered softly. A full body shudder overcame him and then, silently, he closed his eyes and began to weep.

Thor said nothing.

And yet Loki heard him louder than ever.

'Let me be your rock,' Thor seemed to say with both his presence and pseudo-touch, 'If you need someone to anchor yourself to while you finally let yourself go, then let it be me.'

Loki did.

And so the Borson brothers sat there for hours, one weeping openly and the other breaking a little less visibly, both positioned so as to keep up the simulacrum of handholding.

It was as close as they could get – as close as Loki could bear.

It wasn't nearly enough.

But it would have to be, for now.

**/Three.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope with all my heart that I was not at all insensitive about sexual assault. I understand that it is an extremely sensitive topic and I have no desire to make light of it. Having been fortunate enough to not experience something like this, I do not personally know what kind of thoughts or emotions someone who has experienced sexual assault would feel, so I hope that I have not offended anybody with my portrayal of the aftermath.


	4. Steve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Age Guide:
> 
> Loki: 17 years old (first year of University)  
> Thor: 21 years old (fourth year of University/second year of Co-op)
> 
> And In The End It Was No Choice At All Comparison: A semester before Chapter 5

**Four.**

"Dammit Thor! Can I have just one full minute of silence? Is that too much to ask?" Loki snapped.

Thor wilted just a little in the driver seat. However, considering the incredible state of excitement he had been in since Loki had agreed to drive up to SHIELD University with him, even in this more depressed state Thor was undeniably jubilant. Loki refused to feel guilty.

"Sorry, Loki."

Loki shut his eyes and continued his doomed attempt to nap. Of course, the fact that he was turned to face the untinted window was detrimental to his efforts, but Loki would choose the glaring sunlight over Thor's shining presence.

They had left early on Friday morning and it was now Sunday morning. That equated to two full days spent trapped with Thor in a tiny – okay, not  _really_  tiny, but relatively speaking – car and miniscule – moderately sized – hotel rooms. Loki profoundly regretted the stupid decision to agree to Thor's 'road trip' idea. Normally he would blame the drugs and alcohol – and normally he would have been right – but he didn't do that anymore.

Not since…

Well.

In any case, Loki was also feeling deeply suspicious of Thor's planning of this trip – could they not have driven longer rather than turn in early two days in a row? But apparently because they were using Thor's car, Loki did not get a say in this.

At least they had not been subjected to the overplayed trope of all of the hotels' two-bed rooms being completely booked. Sharing a room had been bad enough; the separate beds were a blessing as far as Loki was concerned.

A pleasant melody started to tease Loki's ears and he sighed contentedly. Then he realized that it was Thor humming again.

"I swear to God, Thor!" Loki reached across the car to punch Thor in the thigh.

Barely batting an eye, Thor frowned at Loki. "That's dangerous."

"Your  _voice_  is a danger to my  _hearing_."

Loki was a bit irritable. He had spent nearly his entire life glued to Thor's side and yet suddenly two days in Thor's constant presence had Loki feeling suffocated and so incredibly  _frustrated_. Naturally, this only served to frustrate him  _more_.

"Peace, Loki. We have almost arrived, I promise," Thor said, unaffected by Loki's bad mood. It seemed nothing could bring him down today.

Typical Thor. Loki found it equal parts annoying and adorable.

Somehow Loki did manage to doze for a little while. One second he was glaring obstinately at the sun and the next he was being awoken by a warm hand massaging his shoulder blades.

Tensing at the touch, Loki nearly fell out of the passenger seat in his haste to open the car door. Rather than face what was sure to be an abashed expression on Thor's face, Loki instead looked at the apartment building in front of him.

It was a bit…run down. Definitely not the kind of place in which one would expect the sons of Odin to reside. Not to mention that the lack of security would give Frigga heart palpitations. Thor's living situation for his freshman year had been the result of an argument with their father that both men had been too stubborn to let go. That Thor chose to remain in this place even after they had reconciled?

Typical Thor.

"It is much nicer on the inside, this I swear," Thor called from where he was already unloading the car. "Steven, my previous flatmate, most expertly cleaned the place when we first moved in. I helped!"

"Well, I am certain you  _tried_ ," Loki allowed. He started heaving as many boxes as he could into his slim, but leanly muscled arms.

As they took the creaky elevator up to the fourth floor, Thor kept up a steady stream of chatter about that one week the elevator stopped working and how the apartment got a bit chilly during the winter, but didn't Loki prefer the cold anyway? And here's a list of every single inhabitant of this building because of course Thor had met them all because he's  _so fucking friendly_.

Through a herculean show of restraint, Loki managed to limit himself to three eye-rolls in the duration of the elevator ride. Perhaps Thor's cheery attitude was catching.

When they arrived at the door, Loki admitted to feeling some small amount of anticipation as Thor unlocked the door. When it swung open to a rather quaint apartment, Loki was pleasantly surprised. Everything was quite neat and tidy, save for a few bags piled in the living room.

"Those must be Steven's," Thor said, charging in with his usual energy and dumping the boxes he was holding on a nearby kitchen counter.

Loki followed a little more cautiously, curious eyes taking in every nook and cranny, and did the same.

Standing in the small kitchen just an arm's length from Thor, it dawned on Loki just how limited space would be in this apartment. True, Loki and Thor had shared a house for most of their lives, but it wasn't comparable. In a mansion you have plenty of room to yourself. Here…it seemed that they would be living practically  _on top of each other._

Taking a deep breath, Loki closed his eyes and willed away the feeling that the walls were closing in on him.

A minute passed.

Considerably calmer, Loki slowly opened his eyes and immediately caught Thor's.

Thor reached out carefully while taking slow, measured steps towards Loki. The caution both irked Loki and made gratitude well up within him. He tried to keep his gaze level and unimpressed, but must have failed as the restraint in Thor's body eased and Loki found himself being gathered into a tight embrace.

"I am so happy that you are here with me," Thor whispered into his ear.

Sinking into the feeling despite his best efforts, Loki granted himself a few long minutes before he prodded at Thor's chest in a wordless demand for release. Thor gave it to him reluctantly.

Looking up at Thor, Loki immediately wished to turn his eyes away. The way that Thor looked at him, so openly adoring…it was no wonder that Loki had been informed of Thor's feelings not once, but  _three_ times by outsiders to their relationship.

Sif had been the first. Being only twelve at the time, Loki hadn't been able to infer the implication, although he had been clever enough even then to know that something was amiss. And so he had resolved to watch her. In doing so, however, he had noticed how  _she_ watched  _Thor_. To take it even further, this had led to him realizing how much  _Thor_ watched  _him_. It was so convoluted and perfectly fitting for their teenaged drama.

Even then he hadn't quite understood. The knowledge sat in the back of his mind, continually weighing on his subconscious, but not revealing itself. It was as if he had all the pieces of the puzzle but had yet to properly assemble it. He spent most of his middle school to high school years soaking up Thor's attentions, feeling an inexplicable irritation at Thor's dalliances that he covered up with leering encouragement, becoming confusedly aware of his equal appreciation for both sexes as long as the individual was blond and amiable and all the while he remained ignorant. Perhaps willfully so.

Loki fancied that he had been on the cusp of acceptance on the night of his entanglement with Fandral. In another life Fandral's divulgation might have been the push Loki needed. In that other life, that night would have ended with Loki safe at home in his own bed.

If Loki had been willfully ignorant before, now he grasped desperately for the oblivion ignorance offered.

And yet, looking into Thor's bright blue eyes and the depth of affection that lay there…it was so hard to imagine that Loki had ever not  _known_  because Thor had  _always_  looked at him like that.

But there was a danger in knowing. Danger in the way that Loki's eyes wanted to linger and his fingers itched to touch. Danger in his dubious hold of his own self-control when confined in a small space with Thor. Danger in his heart's conflicting desires: it's longing for Thor and its insistence that, despite Loki's mind's rejection of the term, Thor was his  _brother_.

Yes, the past two days in Thor's company had made Loki frustrated in a way he had not experienced before.

Thor had ever inspired opposing emotions in Loki. Pride for Thor's virtues, and yet jealousy for the achievements that those same virtues wrought. Malicious glee at his short-comings and yet a tender appreciation for the flaws which made him  _Thor_. Burning love and…well, not hate,  _never_   _hate_. But Loki had often wished for the ability to hate Thor, and wasn't that enough?

This new frustration did not come from Loki's own paradoxical feelings toward Thor, but in the sudden  _sexual_  edge that had infected every sentiment.

He did not know what to do with it. It confounded him. It  _scared_ him.

The fear clawed at the back of his throat even now as he stared back into Thor's devoted gaze, as he felt simultaneously comforted and smothered by the warmth there. Loki knew he didn't fear Thor, he didn't even think it possible, and yet the fear remained. Thor's large hand was a soothing touch at his neck, drawing Loki closer and closer still. Loki went willingly, the fear abating in light of this more engrossing development.

There was a grating scratch of metal against metal.

Neither Borson moved.

The door opened easily, exposing a blond man clutching a pair of useless keys in his hand, among other things.

Loki pulled sharply away from Thor and spun around to hide his blushing face from the intruder even as Thor greeted him loudly.

"Steven! I wondered where you were. We entered to find your bags in the living room, but their owner missing."

"Hey Thor! Mine and Peggy's new lease doesn't start until tomorrow, but I didn't want to put your brother out of a room. Packing up all my things took less time than I thought it would, so I went out to grab some coffee and donuts. I thought you two would appreciate it after the long ride up here."

The stranger – Steven – had a friendly voice. Loki deemed himself appropriate for company and turned to face him. Thor and Steven were now standing side by side in the kitchen, grinning and making idle small-talk and Loki was struck by their similarities.

Steven was blond, big and muscled. Smaller than Thor, but not by much. Even his blue eyes and kind smile were reminiscent of Thor's puppyish disposition. All in all he was exactly Loki's type.

"Hey, you must be Loki. I recognize you from the pictures! It's really swell to finally meet you. I'm Steve, the guy that used to stay in your new room," Steve said, holding out his hand in a genuinely welcoming gesture. Loki eyed it distastefully and then swept his narrowed green gaze up and down Steve's body and back to meet Steve's unguarded blue eyes.

Loki crossed his arms. "Well, at the very least I shall not have to worry about any bodily fluids staining my new mattress. You are positively  _virginal_."

"Loki!" Thor admonished as Steve's ears turned a charming red.

Loki simply shrugged, unabashed.

"It's alright, Thor," Steve said, nervously running a hand through his cropped hair. "I gotta say, though, when you told me Loki was wary around strangers, I figured you meant that he was shy."

Loki's answering look could have curdled milk.

After an awkward beat of silence, Steve spoke again. "These donuts aren't going to eat themselves. I didn't know what you would like, so I got the variety pack." He was looking earnestly at Loki as he said this, holding out the open box like an olive branch.

Loki completely bypassed it and took one of the three coffees that were sitting on the kitchen table instead. He did not neglect the manners he had been raised with by not giving thanks, but Loki's frosty tone of voice made it clear that it was not an invitation for further conversation.

Naturally Thor seamlessly stepped in to cover Loki's lack of amiability. "How was your summer," Thor asked, all the while aiming a disappointed look at Loki from across the table. It seemed Loki had finally succeeded in dampening his mood.

"It was great! Bucky and some of the other guys hung around too and we had a weekly game going. We came up with some pretty neat plays that we're gonna work on with the team." Steve turned to Loki. "Thor mentioned that you went to all of his games and practices in high school. Think you'd be interested in trying out for the football team here? You could join in on one of our friendly games to get a feel for it if you want."

Steve's expression was guileless. Loki frowned. "Does my physique at all suggest that I would enjoy tackling and being tackled by men twice my size?" he asked snidely, raising an unamused brow. "I find football to be a brutish sport meant for the simple-minded."

Floundering at that, Steve turned red again. Loki was unsure if it was due to embarrassment or anger.

Thor saved the conversation again, inquiring about his old teammates. His co-op took up too much time for him to have remained on the team and he clearly missed it.

Loki, on the other hand, was faced with an unpleasant reminder that SHIELD, much like Asgard, was a school centered on football culture. He mourned for what could have been, but Alfheim had ceased to be a possibility. It was just another one of many things that had changed since  _that night_.

Distracting himself from these morose thoughts, Loki occupied himself by sipping idly at his coffee and avoiding Thor's intermittent brooding glances. He checked his phone and saw a missed call from Sigyn, as expected.

It hadn't taken long for Loki to start missing her terribly after he had banished her from his room. He had held out an admirable twenty-one days until he had finally succumbed and answered one of her many calls. Their relationship had existed like that for the rest of their senior year; Sigyn at Asgard High and Loki being tutored at home with only the rare phone call to connect their decidedly separate lives. She always called at least once a day. Loki didn't always pick up.

The day before he left for SHIELD with Thor, Loki had finally arranged to meet with Sigyn in person.

He regretted not doing so sooner.

He had never been angry at her, not  _really_. He had simply been appalled by her lack of tact. Bringing up Thor had been so unnecessary and Loki had not been able to deal with it or, by extension, her. Of course, it finally occurred to Loki that it had been unfair of him to expect Sigyn to know exactly the right things to say in that situation. Neither of them had been equipped to deal with it.

Now Loki was determined to repair their friendship. He resolved to call her after he finished unpacking.

Tucking his phone back into his pocket, Loki looked across the table and rolled his eyes. Steve and Thor had clearly torn into the box of donuts, polishing them off in record time even as they maintained a steady flow of conversation. Loki was once again witness to the traits that they clearly shared: both sociable with large appetites. They looked more related than Loki and Thor.

The paper cup in Loki's hand crumbled ever so slightly under the pressure of his clenching hand.

"Thank you for the refreshments, Steve. It was very thoughtful of you!" Thor announced after tipping the last contents of his coffee cup into his ravenous mouth.

Steve laughed, patting Thor on the shoulder. "No problem, buddy. Now, do you guys need any help moving Loki in?"

Thor furrowed his brows in consideration. "There are still some boxes in the car, but I believe that I can manage them alone," he told Steve.

"Maybe I could help Loki set up his new room then?" Steve asked, eyes darting between the two Borsons, unsure of whom he should aim the question at considering how unreceptive Loki had been thus far.

Before Loki could shoot him down thoroughly, Thor was already agreeing loudly. "That would be most helpful!"

Loki's displeased expression went completely unnoticed and with a few long strides he was left alone with a virtual stranger.

Steve knocked a loose fist against the top of one of the boxes set on the kitchen counter. "I guess these are all yours?" he asked needlessly.

Loki didn't deign to answer. Hoisting up two boxes, Loki waited wordlessly until Steve did the same. He then followed Steve deeper into the apartment at a safe distance.

"Well here it is," Steve said, carefully depositing the boxes he had carried on the hardwood floor. "I know it's probably not much compared to your room back home, but it grows on you," he said, smiling sheepishly at Loki while standing in the middle of the scarcely furnished, closet-sized room.

"Humans are adaptable creatures," Loki remarked, neither agreeing nor disagreeing. He crossed the room to inspect a second door.

"That's the closet," Steve said. He then walked towards the large windows and pulled back the long, heavy curtains to reveal a third door. "Thor's room is a little bigger, but I chose this one because of the balcony."

Edging discreetly past Steve, Loki opened the balcony door and stepped out onto the deck. The wooden planks were weather-beaten, the paint on the railings was chipping and the whole terrace was just large enough to fit a small end table and a rickety chair. Despite these failings, Loki found his attention captured by the unobscured expanse of sky and greenery that the balcony looked out on.

A small smile settled upon Loki's thin lips.

"It's a pretty good view, huh? That's Red Ronin Park where me and my teammates like to pass the ball around, if you ever change your mind," Steve said, leaning his weight on the railing next to Loki.

Immediately straightening up, Loki ducked back into the bedroom. "Doubtful," he said shortly, kneeling down and opening one of the boxes he had brought with him.

Sighing despondently, Steve settled down to do the same with the pile he had carried in himself.

Finding that this particular box contained clothing, Loki set about sorting them into separate piles.

"Wow, that's a lotta books!"

Loki looked up to see Steve leafing through a heavy tome. "I like to read. And there's certainly enough room," Loki said, nodding his head towards the wide bookcase in one corner of the room.

Steve chuckled. "Yeah. That's because I like to read too, actually."

Loki made a disbelieving sound in the back of his throat, but said nothing in reply.

"You know, the library at SHIELD is pretty good, but it doesn't really have variety. I could show you the local library, if you want," Steve offered generously.

Loki slammed his hands against the flooring and glared at him. "Why do you  _insist_  on being so kind to me when I have been anything  _but_  in return?"

Steve looked taken aback. "U-Um, well, Thor's a really good friend of mine a-and he cares about you, so…" he stuttered out clumsily.

"I see. Because I am Thor's younger brother and Thor is your friend, you feel obligated to befriend me." Loki sneered. "Then allow me to disabuse you of this well-intentioned, but ultimately foolish notion."

"That's not what I meant!" Steve frowned and rubbed a hand against the back of his neck. Curiously, Loki found his own ire diminishing at the motion. "Look, I've been friends with Thor for about three years now and I'd like to think I have a pretty good handle of his personality. Brother or not, Thor's fondness for you makes me think that behind that…sassy front you put on is a really great person worth getting to know. Being family may mean you have to care about someone, but it doesn't necessarily mean you have to  _like_  them. And Thor…it's pretty clear that you're his favourite person in the world."

Blinking his wide green eyes, Loki tilted his head to the side. "Brother or not?" he murmured thoughtfully.

"Huh?"

Loki shook his head. "I was merely pondering over your word choice.  _Sassy?_ " Loki smirked.

"Hey, it was the first thing that came to mind!" Steve defended, grinning.

"You mean that out of all the words that came to mind, it was the least offensive," Loki corrected.

Steve laughed, loud and bright. He didn't deny it.

They went back to sorting through Loki's things in a more amicable silence.

"It's kind of funny," Steve started, breaking the quiet that had settled over them, "For the longest time I thought you were Thor's sweetheart."

Loki dropped the sweater he was holding. His head shot up to look at Steve who was completely focused on filling the bookshelf.

"He was always calling you by your name – it happened so much that some of the guys joked he just liked to hear the sound of it out loud – and in the pictures he hung up the two of you don't look alike at all, so I had no idea you were brothers," Steve continued obliviously. "Man, the way he talked about you…even Peggy agrees! We all thought he was in love with you." Steve slid in the last book in his hand and then turned to smile at Loki over his shoulder. "Funny, right?"

Fingers playing with the ends of his long sleeves, Loki found that he didn't have to force himself to smile back. His lips were already quirked upwards at the twisted sort of amusement he found in Steve's words. "Yes…that is indeed quite funny."

"LOKI! STEVEN?"

Loki and Steve shared a bemused look.

"I'll go see what he wants," Loki said, standing up fluidly. He made his way to the front door and pulled it open. Leaning against the frame, body blocking the doorway, Loki quickly grasped Thor's dilemma. "I thought you could handle the rest of the boxes on your own?" Loki teased, arms folded across his chest as he aimed a superior look at Thor.

"And I could," Thor countered, face nearly hidden by the tall pile of boxes in his arms. "It was turning the doorknob that caused me difficulty."

Loki shook his head, amused, and stepped out into the hallway to grant Thor passage. "Perhaps next time you will not be so overconfident," he called after Thor's disappearing figure. "Oh!"

Something bumped into Loki, causing his forehead to knock against the corridor wall. Loki leapt away from the contact before whirling around. "Watch where you walk!" he hissed out at the short, brown-haired boy that had walked into him.

Loki eyed the stranger judgmentally. He was around Loki's age and despite the rumpled state of his clothing, he was clearly dressed in designer labels from the pointed tips of his bright coloured shoes to the orange-tinted sunglasses covering his eyes. Coming from old money himself, even Loki thought that the other boy was overdoing it.

"Sorry," the boy slurred, "Just another one of the reasons why when I ask 'your place or mine', I actually mean 'mine'. I'm no good at this walk of shame business. Or stride of pride? Either one. Also my place has coffee."

"You truly expect me to believe that my neighbour's apartment does not contain even a single coffee bean?" Loki asked feeling vaguely entertained.

"Not sure what good a single coffee been would do me. 'Sides, I'm not really the 'stick around for breakfast' type."

"And here I was going to extend the generous offer for you to nourish yourself at my own apartment."

A dark brow rose above the obnoxious sunglasses. "Are you serious?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Huh. I think I like you. What are the chances of you giving me your number even though I just 'stride of pride'd my way out of another apartment and right into you?"

Loki fought against the smile that threatened to cross his face. A year ago he would have said yes without a second thought, though perhaps after a little more wheedling; he had never been  _that_  easy. "Slim to none," he said instead.

The boy grinned roguishly. "I like those odds." He held out his right hand. "Tony Stark."

Loki grinned mockingly. "Not interested." And with that he re-entered his apartment and shut the door.

Laughing lightly, Loki turned around only to run right into Thor.

Two arms came up to trap Loki against the larger body. Loki sighed. "What is it Thor?"

Thor peered down at Loki, worry lining his brow. "You are fine?" he asked.

Reaching up to twirl a thick lock of Thor's long hair around his finger, Loki felt Thor's gaze settle heavily on him. There was concern in Thor's voice, yes, but also something else. Something that darkened his stormy eyes and tightened his grip on Loki's hips.

Loki read a subtle jealousy in every part of Thor's body…and he liked it.

He tugged playfully on Thor's hair before quickly dropping his hand and pulling away from the older boy. "I am."

Surprisingly enough, he was telling the truth.

**/Four.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What kind of stupid person decides to dedicate a sizable chunk of a chapter to a character that they only know through fanfic and gifs on tumblr? *Points at self* This guy!
> 
> So give it to me straight, how OOC is Steve? Come to think of it, this also applies to Tony. *Face palm* Main reason why it took me so long to start writing Thorki: I've only watched the two Thor movies.
> 
> Hopefully the rest of the chapter makes up for any missteps I made in their characterization. It feels a bit weird, I don't know why. I think I'm trying too hard to make sure that everything gets fit in. There was so much ground to cover! This chapter just kind of makes me sad, but I can't seem to fix it to be less awful, so I guess we're all stuck with it.
> 
> Let me know what you think.


	5. Jane

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Age Guide:
> 
> Loki: 18 years old (1st year university, 2nd semester)
> 
> Thor: 21 years old (4th year university, 2nd year co-op)
> 
> And In The End It Was No Choice At All Comparison: After chapter 5

**Five.**

Nudging the door open, Loki entered his apartment swaying rhythmically to the tinny music leaking out of his earphones. He sang along under his breath as he danced into the living room.

He'd been having a good day: he'd awoken well rested and ten minutes before his alarm allowing him to get ready at his own leisure, his first class had ended early and he'd arrived to his lab with enough time to grab actual working equipment – as opposed to the bottom of the barrel deflated bulbs and dirty Erlenmeyer's – and had then been informed that his incompetent lab partner was out sick.

In the end he'd managed to get the best yield of the day and was still flying high on that feeling of triumph.

"Loki!" Thor called out enthusiastically from his place on the couch. He was sprawled out and his bleary eyes told Loki that he'd likely been napping until recently.

Smirking in greeting, Loki held up a finger as Thor made to speak, silencing him. Closing his eyes, Loki continued to swing his hips ever so slightly to the beat of the song, still mouthing along with the lyrics. When the final notes faded out, Loki tugged the earphones out. "Good nap?" he asked cheekily.

Thor huffed out a laugh. "Verily. Good day?"

Loki's green eyes gleamed with amusement. "Verily," he returned. "If you are too tired for the beat poetry show, we can forgo it." Loki had been looking forward to spending a night out with Thor and they had both been intrigued by the idea of performance poetry, but he didn't want Thor to sacrifice much needed rest when he had to go back in to the architecture firm tomorrow morning.

"For your company, I always have energy enough," Thor said and Loki rolled his eyes at how only Thor could say something so cheesy and  _sentimental_  in such a sincere voice.

"You would have my company regardless of whether we left the apartment or not," Loki pointed out.

"Yes, but I fear that you spend too much time in the apartment," Thor said, worry openly displayed upon his visage.

Loki crossed his arms. "Thor, I leave the apartment to attend classes every day," he said condescendingly.

"Classrooms and libraries are not the type of venues that I would have you visit."

"I  _apologize_  for caring about my grades. How absolutely terrible of me. Just because  _you_  treated your classes as if they were optional-"

"Do not twist my words!" Thor exclaimed. He wasn't quite shouting, but his quick temper was evident in his trenchant tone of voice. Pausing to take a deep breath, Thor sighed. "We both know that you do not need quite so much revising to keep your place at the top of the class. Using school as a distraction is not a viable long term solution. I do not want you to let life pass you by, unwilling to even  _try_ -"

" _Try_? You think I am not  _trying?_  Do you think that I enjoy this? That I am happy to hear tales of everyone else's  _wild nights out_ and have nothing to add to the conversation? But that is never going to be me again, Thor. It is never going to happen to me again. So don't speak to me of things you will never understand!" Loki hissed.

Thor ran a hand through his hair, brows furrowed and lips curled downwards. "You misunderstand me, Loki. I am not urging you to drink or smoke or anything like that. Just when did you begin equating fun with partaking in some illicit activity? All I want is for you to go out and have fun. Spend time with your friends. Explore the town. Meet new people. Things that you used to love."

Blinking rapidly to counter his tearing eyes, Loki inwardly lamented his easily triggered tear ducts. "I  _do_  go out," he insisted.

"Only with me or if Tony drags you out," Thor said.

"The workload at University is not comparable to high school. I truly do have to study more," Loki said stubbornly.

Thor's gaze dropped despondently to the floor. "I know."

Uncrossing his arms to let them fall limply by his side, Loki frowned at Thor's resigned face. "Look, we can just go out tomorrow. It may not be beat poetry, but there must be something interesting happening on a Friday evening," he said.

Thor shifted uncomfortably. Loki's narrowed eyes caught the movement.

"Unless…do you have other plans for tomorrow evening?" Loki asked suspiciously.

"Well," Thor hedged.

"Please don't tell me you're getting back together with Jarnsaxa again. I thought you said that you ended it for good this time," Loki groaned, "That didn't last very long." He kept his voice purposefully theatrical, but could not stop his hands from clenching.

Thor shook his head. "No, we are definitely not going to date again."

"Not dating doesn't mean not  _fucking_ ," Loki scoffed.

"Loki!" Thor glared hotly at him. "We have decided to keep some distance between us. I have not seen her since we last parted."

Loki frowned. "So a new one then? How is it that you can spend nearly all of your time working and still manage to recruit new members to your  _harem_? Oh, don't tell me!" Loki put on an expression of exaggerated astonishment. "Is it someone from work? Perhaps even the boss? I did not know that Mister Lehnsherr was interested in men! Do his wife and children know?"

"Loki, stop it!" Thor growled. "You are not as amusing as you think you are. That was in poor taste."

"Poor taste is what Lehnsherr would have to have to go to  _you_  of all people for an extramarital affair," Loki said mockingly. At Thor's unmoved face, Loki sighed and held up his hands consolingly. "Okay, okay. Tell me, dear Thor, what – or should I say  _who_  – is it exactly that is going to be occupying your time tomorrow evening?"

"Jane called." Ignoring Loki's startled face, Thor continued, "She has finally returned from Ireland. She went for the second semester of our second year at SHIELD, but ended up staying on longer than originally intended. However, there are required classes that she must take at SHIELD for her degree, so she has reluctantly come back. She is busy getting her living arrangements sorted, but she has time on Friday evening and wanted to meet up for dinner."

" _Jane_?" Loki asked incredulously. "The same Jane who dumped you in a  _letter_? And you're meeting with her?"

Thor frowned. "I was not necessarily the wronged party in that relationship. It was not so black and white. We were friends before we began seeing each other romantically and I hope to salvage that friendship if I can," he said.

Loki's mouth twisted into a mean smirk. "Oh yes, because nothing says friendly like a dinner date on a Friday night. If you want to make it even  _friendlier_ , I recommend candlelight and expensive wine," he sneered.

Taking a step back, Thor shook his head in exasperation. "Why are we fighting? I don't remember how this started. Nor do I understand why you seem so agitated by my talk with Jane," he said, upset. "Let's just go to the show tonight. Then there will be no conflict, for was that not the issue at hand?"

Loki stared Thor down with a piercing gaze. He shut his eyes and breathed in and out. Eyes popping back open, he tilted his head to the side with a conciliatory smile. "As it happens, I just remembered that I have some readings to do for my class tomorrow."

"But-!" Putting on a seamless façade of innocence, Loki had left no flaw in his act for Thor to pick apart. Defeated, Thor conceded. "Okay. University is, after all, more difficult than high school level work," he said stiffly.

"Exactly," Loki said. His smile turned vicious for one brief second – just long enough for Thor to notice, but not address – as he added, "And since you seem to be so opposed to libraries and institutions of education in general, I can study just as well in a café. Look at that! I'll be  _getting out_  and  _exploring_ the town. Are you not proud?"

Thor said nothing, only staring with intense blue eyes.

Glaring back defiantly, Loki hitched up his satchel on his shoulder and then spun around. Bursting through the door, Loki took the stairs two at a time until he reached the ground floor. Racing out the building to meet the cold air, he took a sharp right. His determined steps did not betray his lack of destination.

Two blocks from the apartment building, Loki's mind was calm enough to begin paying attention to his surroundings. Eyes darting vigilantly, he paused when he came across a familiar sign. The coffee and donuts that Steve Rogers had brought on their first meeting had been emblazoned with a minimalist styled tag reading 'Cosmic Café'. Staring up at that same logo, Loki only hesitated briefly before entering the shop.

A cheerful middle-aged woman greeted him from behind the counter. Loki gave her a distracted, tight-lipped smile, eyes already moving to peruse the shop. As most places in this university town, the café seemed to house an inordinate number of students. Excepting the police officer eating a sandwich and an older woman in workout clothes sipping on a smoothie, the rest of the patrons were around Loki's age and either reading heavy textbooks or typing away at laptops. With tasteful décor and a quiet atmosphere, Loki could understand the draw; it was surprising that there were any tables left unoccupied.

Ordering and paying for an espresso, Loki raised his eyebrows when the woman gestured for him to take a seat, but complied without protest. He pulled out his lab notebook and pencils and began to read over his notes.

Scowling at the page, Loki tried to clear his mind and focus on the task at hand, but found it difficult. Jarnsaxa had been an annoyance, but Loki had dealt with her as well as he could. It had helped that Thor appeared so hopelessly disinterested. Jane, however, was a completely different case. From what Loki remembered, Thor had seemed to genuinely  _like_  her. If they began dating again…Loki didn't know if he could handle it without doing something reckless. There was nothing that he hated quite like sharing Thor's attention.

He'd just managed to banish these thoughts from his mind and start his report when a small, green cup was placed on the table beside his left hand. He mumbled his thanks, still concentrating on his work. Then the second chair at the table was pulled out.

Eyes shooting up, he aimed a confused frown at the girl that had plopped down gracelessly in the seat across from him. Curly brown hair tied back tightly and clad in typical uniform attire, it was clear that she worked there.

"Hiya! Name's Darcy," she said in a positively bubbly voice, tapping at the nametag on her shirt. It did indeed say 'Darcy'. Pulling his eyes away from her rather well-endowed chest, Loki was met with a smug face. "Don't worry, everyone does it," she remarked cheekily, "And honestly I'd be more offended if you didn't get a little boob-envy."

"I'm not sure envy would be an apt description," he said.

Darcy shrugged carelessly. "Sure it is. Freud said so."

Loki smirked humourlessly. "I'm sure he did. Tell me, do you always psychoanalyze every customer?"

"The boss-lady likes us to be friendly," Darcy said, jerking her thumb back at the counter, "Besides, I'm off the clock in about ten minutes anyway."

"Yes, well, the friendliness is noted. However, I am certain there are other patrons who would be more appreciative of the attention."

Darcy ignored him, instead leaning back in a self-satisfied manner. "Pale, dark and lanky with an added bonus of snark. Just about as far from the Ex as can be. What did you say your name was? Cullen?"

The reference, unfortunately, did not go unnoticed. "I didn't," Loki said monotonously.

"Well, grumpy, how would you like to go on a date with my friend? She's super smart and crazy pretty; hell, she'd give you a run for your money in the face department. She's a bit of a workaholic and can get really intense when she's focused on something, but in a good way, mostly," Darcy babbled, "And look, okay, so she's still kind of hung up on this guy that she dated, like, two years ago, but that's only because she buried herself in work and refused to deal with it… _and_  I'm totally not selling this one at all, huh?"

Cheek nestled in his hand, Loki gave her a blank stare.

Darcy huffed. "Just, could you  _please_  do me this favour and go out with her on  _one_  date? I was planning on setting her up with this guy Ian, but then I totally screwed that one by…well,  _screwing that one_. And she's planning on seeing this dude – the Ex – tomorrow night which is a bad idea with a capital 'B' because then she's gonna get sucked up into his hot bod and golden retriever personality and forget about how she got ditched for his weird brother-complex and I just need to distract her with a hot guy that's  _not_  Th-"

"Darcy!" They both turned to see a petite woman standing just behind Darcy with her arms crossed.

"Uh…how much of that did you hear?" Darcy asked sheepishly.

The woman rolled her eyes. "Enough. I should be angrier about you spilling my dating mishaps to some stranger, but I've actually missed your…quirks." She turned to face Loki and then her jaw dropped. "Loki?" she exclaimed.

Loki's eyes narrowed. "Do I know y –  _Jane_?" Taking a good look at her, Loki was able to recognize her from Thor's old facebook photos.

Darcy's head whipped back and forth between them, eyes wide. "Wait, Loki? As in  _Thor's_  Loki? As in –"

"Darcy can you  _not_?" Jane hissed quietly.

Miming zipping her lips, Darcy settled down in her seat.

"Loki, it's nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you from Thor," Jane tried, forcing a pleasant smile on her lips.

"I can't say the same." Standing, Loki began to pack away his things. "As surprisingly illuminating as this has been, I suddenly have the urge to be somewhere else." Ignoring the girls' protests (and Darcy's cry of 'You didn't even touch your coffee!'), Loki hurriedly strode out of the café.

He'd only gotten a few steps out the door when something caught the sleeve of his jacket. He yanked his arm free and glared down at Jane. "What?"

"Look, I don't know exactly what Darcy said in there, but I hope that she didn't offend you," Jane said nervously.

Loki tightened his grasp on his satchel. "The words 'brother-complex' were used. How could that not be offensive? Especially as this madness she was spouting had apparently come from you."

Jane met his gaze evenly. "Darcy has a special way with words. Admittedly, I probably shouldn't have told her as much as I did, considering quite a bit of it was speculation on my part. I'm a scientist," she said with a helpless shrug, "It's what I do. I take data and try to make sense of it."

"As an aspiring scientist myself, I would recommend you learn to separate it from your personal life. Kindly keep your meddling self out of that which does not concern you," Loki said, lips thinning with derision.

"Wait." Hazel eyes swept Loki's rigid frame. "You know, don't you?" she said accusingly. "You know that Thor is in love with you."

Loki opened his mouth to deny it, but nothing came out. Five pedestrians bypassed the two of them on the sidewalk as they stood motionlessly in front of the Cosmic Café.

"After all, you said you were a scientist. Was it the looks? The way he lights up whenever he talks about you? It's so distinctive you can even tell when he's thinking of you. I'm sure it's even more noticeable when he's not hundreds of miles away from you. Or was it the smile? He has a 'Loki' smile, I realized; just that much brighter than his other smiles. Was it the single-minded devotion? He'd drop anything the moment you called or messaged. I think you could have asked for the moon and he'd have killed himself trying to get it for you. I tried to ignore it, but the evidence piles up after a while." Jane's eyes were shining with tears, defiant. "I guess it doesn't matter."

A cool breeze whistled through the streets and Jane wrapped her thin arms around herself in response. "Darcy seems to think I'm meeting up with Thor to start something again. I just want…closure. You're right, it's none of my business, but somehow I feel like I need to ask him if it worked out…with you. I need to know if I made the right decision in letting him go. What he wants…it's impossible right? So maybe I should have held on until he realized that. But…Thor's not that kind of person, especially not about you. There's nothing fickle about his emotions."

Loki swallowed laboriously. "Don't ask him that. When you see him…don't bring that up," he whispered

"Why not?" Jane pressed. "Is it really something that can continue to be ignored?"

"Because he's not ready to confront it!" Loki exclaimed. "Thor…he's slow. Everyone often mistakes it for stupidity and I've often taken advantage of that, but he's really quite smart. He just…takes his time to understand things. The number of tutors I saw come and go because they couldn't seem to see that – You can't rush him, our father tried and it ended in disaster. It doesn't work that way, not with Thor. You simply have to…wait."

"Wait," Jane repeated. "Is that what you're doing? Waiting?"

Loki averted his gaze from her all-too knowing one. "And what would you call two years in Ireland?" he asked, turning savage eyes back on her.

Jane bristled. "Touché," she allowed. "Though I guess it'll be more fruitful for one of us than the other."

"I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about," he said stiffly. "I really must be getting back home." With a curt nod, he turned to go.

"Loki!" Jane called. Loki stilled, back still facing her. "I don't know if I can support it, but…I care about Thor. He's a good guy despite…all of this. Take care of him, please. No matter what happens."

Without answering, Loki walked away. This time, Jane didn't stop him.

After dialing Tony's number only to get the voicemail, Loki decided to wander a bit. It was dark out though, and the feeling of discomfort at being alone and potentially vulnerable quickly grew too much for him to handle. He headed home soon enough, hands buried in his pockets and feet setting a brisk pace.

Opening the front door in a much more subdued manner than earlier that day, Loki slunk into the apartment to find Thor still on the couch, seeming not to have moved an inch. His long hair was more of a mess than usual, as if he had been raking his fingers through it.

Ignoring Thor's startled greeting, Loki just watched Thor for a moment while Thor watched him back. Then Loki closed the distance between them with several discrete steps and sat down beside him.

Taking a few quiet breaths, Loki slowly edged closer until his shoulder brushed Thor's. It was a tentative touch, but Thor eagerly pressed back making the point of contact more solid, more real. Within seconds their thighs were aligned, touching.

"I'm sorry," Loki said finally, placing his hand lightly atop Thor's.

Thor's hand quickly enveloped Loki's and squeezed the cold flesh warmly. "You need not apologize. We both became too spirited in our discussion."

"Yes, that's one word for it," Loki said, a smirk pulling at his lips.

Thor grinned. "We both have much spirit."

Tilting his head, Loki gazed at Thor, observing the straight white teeth so often on display and the storm blue eyes that gazed back warmly. He leaned forward, clever eyes taking in every minute change in Thor's expression: the subtle widening of his eyes, the surprised droop in his lips, the fluttering lashes. Carefully, he laid a chaste kiss upon Thor's cheek, mindful of the blond scruff.

Loki backed away slowly. Thor's breathing was heavier, his eyes darkened and his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Loki glanced down at those lips at then back up in time to see Thor's eyes darken further. "That we do."

"Loki," Thor breathed. His hold on Loki's hand tightened almost painfully.

Loki carefully extracted his hand, maintaining eye contact. Then he deliberately looked at his wristwatch. "I think we can still make the show if we leave now," he said softly.

Thor blinked rapidly. "Y-Yes," he said, clearing his throat loudly. "Of course. We should leave at once." With that Thor shot up from the couch and headed to the door, pulling on his shoes and coat in hurried movements.

Loki waited a few beats, watching Thor's clumsy shuffle with fond eyes. Then he followed Thor's example at a more sedate pace.

As it turned out, Loki and Thor both enjoyed beat poetry very much. They stayed out later than intended and when they arrived back home it was to a voicemail on Thor's phone of Jane canceling their rendezvous.

Thor was clearly disappointed.

Loki felt ambivalent.

Both their reactions were quickly dismissed in favour of clambering onto the couch and watching a special on the Discovery channel about wolves while discussing their favourite pieces of poetry from the show. Exhausted from the upheavals of the day, they drifted off to sleep ten minutes into the program. When they awoke at the sound of Thor's blaring alarm, it was to tangled limbs and hands clasped tightly together.

**/Five.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, when I was writing it I had no intention for Loki and Thor to argue. They were supposed to do so after Loki got back from the cafe, but somehow while I was writing their conversation things got heated, so I just kind of went with it. I wonder if I made the right decision...
> 
> Also, I am of the firm belief that both Thor and Loki, Norse gods that they are, would enjoy beat poetry. It's similar to what a bard would do, I think.
> 
> Last chapter coming up, feeling a bit unsure about it because I'm planning on changing things up rather than relying on the same formula so...we'll see.


	6. Thor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! The brief description of attempted suicide applies to this chapter. It's not in the least bit graphic, but the underlying feelings concerning suicide are there, so that might be triggering.

**And...**

_It's Loki's first day with the Borsons._

_Frigga is smiling as she scoops a four year old Thor into her arms._

_"Mama!" Thor shrieks, giggling all the while._

_"Come now, love, it's time for bed," she tells him._

_Thor shakes his head stubbornly. "Not tired!" he shouts._

_"Well then," Frigga says, playing along, "I shall simply have to use my magic sleep dust to send you off to dreamland." She enunciates her words with playful tickles to Thor's soft stomach sending the boy into fits of bright laughter. "Now, what do you say to Papa?" she asks._

_"Goodnight Papa!" Thor says both dutifully and enthusiastically, "Sweet dreams!"_

_Odin smiles behind the book he is reading. "Goodnight, Thor. Sweet dreams to you as well."_

_Wiggling out of his mother's arms, Thor walks sleepily towards his bedroom with Frigga. Opening the door, Frigga waits for Thor to enter but he suddenly halts and begins to hop in place._

_"Wait!" he cries, "Wait, Mama! I have to say goodnight to Loki!"_

_Frigga can't help but smile. "Honey, he is sleeping now. We shouldn't wake him."_

_"I'll be quiet!" Thor promises in an ironically loud voice. Seeming to realize this, he begins to whisper instead, "I won't wake him, Mama. I can't go to sleep without saying goodnight. You said he's my new brother. I have to say goodnight."_

_Sighing, Frigga relents. "Okay, but let's be very quick. And very quiet."_

_They slip into Loki's room, walls painted a calming green and floor littered with an overabundance of toys that Odin had purchased even before the adoption had went through._

_They take careful steps towards the cradle in the center of the room, Thor's exaggerated and at odds with the serious look on his face. Frigga lifts Thor up so that they can both peer into the crib where Loki lies, peacefully asleep._

_The look of childish awe upon Thor's face causes a wave of warm affection to sweep over Frigga._

_He whispers down into the crib, "Goodnight little brother. I love you."_

* * *

"You look good, little brother."

Loki continued to scrutinize his appearance in the wall mirror. He didn't bother to correct Thor on the title: it got tiring after four years.

When Thor stepped up behind Loki, their eyes locked in the mirror before Loki reluctantly pulled his gaze away and turned around. Their bodies were nearly touching, but neither moved away.

"You as well," Loki said, taking in Thor's suit.

Odin had always been of the belief that every man should own at least one good suit and as such both boys had in their possession a bespoke suit hoisted upon them by their father. Loki was rather fond of the clean lines and sharp look, though he knew the confined clothing made Thor a bit uncomfortable.

Seeing the top button of Thor's shirt undone, Loki shot him a disapproving look. "Though I fully expect you to end up sloppy at some point today, you should at least start out appropriately attired," Loki lectured, reaching up to button Thor's shirt.

Finger's lingering on the tanned skin of Thor's wide neck, Loki refused to react to the weight of Thor's gaze. "There. Much better," he said finally, fingers curling ever so slightly to cling even as he pulled his hands away. "Except…"

"Except what?" Thor asked worriedly, eyes darting quickly to the mirror before falling back on Loki.

Loki shrugged casually. "The red tie…well," he said evasively.

Thor frowned, glancing down at said tie. "Jarnsaxa said that it suited me," he murmured, a slight pout to his lips.

"If you agree, then far be it for me to criticize," Loki said, making sure to brush his shoulder against Thor's as he stepped around him. "Come, we should be leaving soon. You, especially, as a groomsman."

Thor was still preoccupied with his tie. "Peggy and Steven did not demand any colour scheme, but Peggy's cousin requested that I match her dress for when we walk down the aisle together."

"Then that is that. There is nothing to be done about it. Now, most likely I will have to rouse Tony from his bed and you have duties, I'm sure, so we really must go," Loki said, nodding his head towards the hotel room door.

"Loki, wait! What colour tie would you recommend?" Thor asked.

Loki rolled his eyes. "What does it matter?" he asked. "You said yourself that you must match with one of the bridesmaids. Even then, it is not as if you brought a spare tie. I saw you pack, or rather I saw you throw the bare minimum of things into your suitcase ten minutes before we left."

Thor looked distressed. "Your opinion matters to me. If you do not think I look presentable…"

Shaking his head from side to side, Loki heaved out a put-upon sigh. "Well," he said, "I actually did bring a spare tie in case something unfortunate happened to this one."

"Truly?" Thor asked, "Will it be more suitable than this one?"

"Perhaps," Loki mused thoughtfully. He opened his suitcase and pulled out a tie. He held it up and raised his eyebrows at Thor to which Thor responded by stepping forward invitingly.

Loki carefully undid Thor's red tie and placed it on the bed. Then he wove his spare tie under the collar of Thor's crisp, white shirt, knotting it with clever fingers. Tilting his head to the side, Loki eyed Thor consideringly. "Much better," he decided, nodding once.

Thor broke into a wide smile, blue eyes shining. "We match," he noted softly, happily.

Smoothing down his own emerald green tie, Loki spoke haughtily, "I certainly wasn't going to bring a spare tie of any other colour."

Back turned to Thor, Loki felt a large hand settle on his shoulder and hot breath against the back of his neck. "Thank you, Loki," Thor whispered and Loki could do nothing to hide the shiver that ran down his spine.

Stepping out of Thor's grip, Loki used the brief trip to the door to compose himself. "Has your vanity been sufficiently satisfied?" he asked, opening the door and aiming a sly smile at Thor over his shoulder.

Thor smiled fondly. "How good to meet you, Mister Pot. I am Mister Kettle," he said by way of answering, knocking his shoulder playfully against Loki's as he stepped through the doorway.

Following Thor, Loki shut the door behind him. They took the elevator together up to the top floor. Tony had, unsurprisingly, booked a suite for his stay at the hotel. He had also booked two separate suites for the bride and groom as part one of his wedding gift despite their protests.

Blue eyes looking longingly at Loki, Thor smiled ruefully. "This is where we part. I shall see you at the church?"

"Barring any catastrophes or the temptation of mayhem," Loki assured. Turning around the corner, Loki used the spare key Tony had given him to let himself into Tony's suite. Rolling his eyes at the messy state of the first room, Loki ventured further into the suite until he came across the obscenely large bed. The covers were rumpled beyond belief and Loki could only assume that Tony lay somewhere beneath them. Skirting around the bed and into the bathroom, Loki ripped open one of the plastic-encased cups and filled it in the sink. Stepping back to the bed, he fastidiously eased down the sheets until Tony's sleep-swollen face was just visible. He then doused the other boy with water.

"W-What?" Brown eyes blinked open, bewildered. "Dammit Loki!"

* * *

_"Dammit Loki!" Thor yells, voice hoarse from use. "Don't do this! Don't you dare – Loki!"_

_"Go away Thor! Just leave me alone!" Loki yells back. He's standing on the railing of the Bifrost Bridge, the toes of his leather boots jutting out into thin air. Thor watches this from several feet away on the walkway, too fearful to get any closer lest any movement on his part should catalyze movement from Loki. Loki doesn't have much room to move._

_The cars race by them on the bridge, drivers eager to get to work. Some cars are starting to slow, however, attracted by the spectacle that the Borson brothers are providing._

_Thor is yelling again, broken sentences meant to reason with Loki. Loki hears none of this. He has no use for logic or reason, not now. He stares out across the horizon._

_It's early morning and the sun hasn't yet made an appearance. The sky is a collage of colours, mostly grey except for soft brushes of light blue and pink that are starting to peak up past the solid line separating the heavens and earth. Loki is drawn to the light of the fading moon and its entourage of stars that have nearly disappeared. His right arm reaches out as if he could ever hope to touch it and the shift in weight sends him tipping forward. Thor's resounding shout echoes in his ears as he manages to right himself, just barely. His eyes are drawn now to the lake below, its surface so unmoving it shines like polished glass. It's so far down that Loki's scientific mind knows that the impact of falling would shatter every bone in his too-thin body._

_It's far from a deterring thought._

_Arms spread out wide, Loki lifts one foot off the railing. He doesn't close his eyes, doesn't have any intention of hiding from what he's about to do. Before he steps off the railing – steps, not jumps – he's struck by the desire to steal one last glimpse of Thor. Perfect Thor. Lovely Thor. Beloved Thor. Just one last glimpse to take into oblivion with him. That along with the artful display of sky will be the perfect last sight._

_A deadly calm has settled over him. It's the most lucid Loki has felt in weeks. The drug-induced fog over his mind had cleared two hours ago and the stark feeling of clarity and inanition had carried him to the Bifrost._

_Loki leans his weight onto his hanging foot, easing up the pressure on the one still held up by the railing, as he tilts his head back to look at Thor. He's just caught the slightest flash of gold when suddenly a frenzied cry pulls his attention away._

_"Loki!"_

_Loki's eyes widened at the recognizable sound of his mother's voice, though he has certainly never heard her so terrified before. His head jerks automatically in her direction and he sees her running towards him, Odin following closely behind. He is oddly distracted by her bare feet, strangely divested of her usual fashionable heels. As he is pondering this peculiarity, he is yanked backwards, soles of his shoes slipping against the metal railing with absolutely no grip to speak of. Two muscled arms enfold him into a larger body._

_He tries to pull away, but the arms are unrelenting. Chapped lips press against his ear murmuring soothing nothings. Body still tense, Loki is determined to escape, but the sight of his approaching parents stills him and he finally starts to register the words being repeated in his ear._

_" –you. Ilove–"_

_Loki freezes and then he is being cradled from the front as well. Frigga's loving embrace and Odin's powerful hold keep him grounded even as the cars speed by and the lake calls._

* * *

An elbow pressed sharply into Loki's ribcage, jarring him out of his thoughts and back to the present where the priest was giving an exceptionally boring sermon. Glaring at Tony, Loki whispered snidely, "Will you never learn to respect my personal space?"

Tony's grin was unapologetic. "Not until you lose your looks. Even then I'll probably gift you with a pity grope."

Wrinkling his nose, Loki turned back to the front. The bride and groom had finally been prompted to give their vows and every eye was upon them, except Loki couldn't help but to let his own gaze slide over past the groom. It seemed he was wrong. Not every eye was upon the wedding pair after all because Thor was looking straight back at him. For some unimaginable reason Loki felt a blush gather high up on his cheeks and he determinedly looked back at the alter in time to see Steve and Peggy share a chaste kiss. As soon as they separated, Peggy pulled Steve back into a more thorough kiss and mirthful chuckles and good-natured cheers filled the church.

"That's my kind of girl," Tony said before whooping loudly.

They stood with the rest of the guests as the bridal party trailed out the church doors. Guests immediately began chattering, seeking out familiar faces to share pleasantries. The thought of making small talk threatened to pull Loki's lips into a grimace, but he managed to keep his social face on. Surveying the crowd in hopes of avoiding unwanted company before it was too late, Loki saw the tail ends of familiar dark hair when he was abruptly dragged out of the pews.

"Yeesh, let's get outta here. Monogamy gives me hives!" Tony said through a painful looking grin, pulling Loki along by their linked arms.

Loki shrugged and began to keep pace. "I'm not going to complain. You do realize, however, that there is still the reception to get through?"

Stopping once they had exited the church, Tony turned an almost wounded look on Loki. "But alcohol!"

Loki rolled his eyes. "Of course. How foolish of me."

They took Tony's car to the reception hall; Loki talked Tony out of stopping at a drive-through.

"Here," Tony said, passing Loki the keys after locking the door.

Loki pocketed them swiftly as they walked towards the building. "I don't mind being the designated driver, but don't expect me to deal with any vomiting," he warned.

Tony scoffed. "You say that now, but we both know you'll hold my hair through it." Loki shook his head, but didn't deny it.

As soon as they entered the reception hall they were met by the bride and groom.

"Loki! Tony! Glad you guys could make it," Steve said. He looked exuberant, face pleasantly flushed and grin wide and disarming. Peggy stood beside him, his arm around her waist, and shook their hands firmly.

"Yes, thank you so much for coming," she said with a matching smile.

"Congratulations," Loki said politely.

"It was a gorgeous ceremony," Tony said in a voice so solemn it made Steve's eyes narrow in suspicion.

Loki smiled brightly and steered Tony away by the shoulder. "We should not hog your time. You have many other guests to attend to."

"Just head to the tables over there to get your seating card," Peggy called, gesturing to the right.

Following her directions, Loki saw the bridesmaids and groomsmen seated at several tables surrounded by long lines of guests.

"Looks like things are set up alphabetically," Tony noted. "Damn, those lines are long. Loki, I've never had to wait in a line before!"

"Do you have any idea how supercilious you sound when you say things like that?" Loki wondered.

"Loki!"

A smile crept up on Loki's face automatically. "One day you will have to experience waiting in line like the rest of us inferior beings, but it seems that today is not that day."

Thor was waving them down from a table at the very end. They surpassed the line, ignoring the dirty looks they received for doing so, and met him at the head of the table.

"I took your place card when we were setting up," Thor explained, as he handed the card over to Loki. "We will not be seated together, for I must sit at the head table, but I made sure that you were placed at a good table."

"Near the exit?" Loki asked at the same time as Tony said, "Near the bar?"

Thor frowned at both of them, Tony especially. "Near the head table," he said heavily.

Grinning cheesily, Tony snatched his place card out of Thor's hand. "Right! See you in there, then," he said before strutting off into the main hall.

Loki shrugged helplessly and turned to follow his date. A hand caught his elbow, stilling him. Loki stared back at Thor, holding eye contact for a charged moment and soaking up the warmth of his touch. Then, smirking, he carefully extracted himself.

"I'll see you in there," he called without looking back.

* * *

Tony let out a low whistle. "Red's got moves," he said to Loki.

They were both entranced by the couple dominating the dance floor, as was the rest of the room. A beautiful red haired woman and her sandy haired partner were tangoing expertly and a wide circle had formed around them. Nobody wanted to interrupt, or compete.

"We could do better," Tony decided after a moment.

"Of course," Loki said without hesitation. Tony grinned at this.

"C'mon, hot stuff. What's say we give them a run for their money," Tony said, hopping up and offering a hand to Loki.

Taking the proffered hand, Loki stood and allowed Tony to pull him onto the dance floor. They fought playfully for a moment, each wanting to lead before Tony gave up and allowed Loki to take him by the waist.

"You had better keep up," Loki whispered lowly into his ear as they began to move to the music. "I only play to win."

"Trust me, Green Eyes, I'm gonna blow your mind. And if you're good, I might even help you pick your jaw up off the floor when we're done."

Loki picked up the pace. "Talk is cheap."

Following along seamlessly, Tony chuckled. "I'll have you know that mine goes for about 10 grand a syllable."

Laughing, Loki twirled Tony around and then dipped him low.

"Whoa!"

"Don't tell me you can't handle a little dip," Loki said as he pulled Tony back up.

"More like I can't handle your brother's evil eyes," Tony said. "I don't get it! When he had to come bail us out of jail, he pulled me aside and  _thanked_ me and yet dancing with you is what gets me on his bad side?"

Glancing surreptitiously over Tony's shoulder, Loki saw that Thor was indeed staring intensely at them over the blond head of the bridesmaid he was dancing with.

"He was just happy you got me pranking again," Loki said, twirling them around so that his back was facing Thor.

"Well it was my pleasure. Now dip me again!"

Loki laughed and complied.

They danced through three more songs and managed to turn their one-sided rivalry with the tangoing couple into a full-out dance off.

"I think I would call that a tie," Loki announced once they had paused to catch their breaths. He quirked a brow across the dance floor at the red haired woman and received a lethal smile for his trouble.

"I'll allow it," Tony said, sounding imperious even while panting.

They were swaying more slowly now, reminiscent of the kind of moves seen at a high school dance, which was why it was easy for a small tap to interrupt them.

"Would you mind if I cut in?" a pretty girl in a well-fitted dress asked.

The question was clearly aimed at Loki, causing him to tense up.

"Wouldn't mind if I do!" Tony enthused, stepping forward to take the girls hand.

"That sounds like a lovely idea. I need to use the restrooms anyway," Loki said eagerly.

"Try not to get lost on the way or else Point Break will probably come after me with a hammer," Tony said as he began to lead the girl closer to the center of the dance floor. She looked a bit disappointed, but didn't argue.

As he watched them go, Loki mouthed a thank you at Tony and was rewarded with a cheerful wink.

Slipping through the crowd, Loki exited the main hall and bypassed the restrooms entirely. Instead, after a moment of thought, he left the building and stood on the steps. Face upturned to the sky, he longed for a drink of some kind.

It was quiet outside, especially in comparison to the party going on inside. Loki was enjoying the brief respite when suddenly hushed and rather sultry-sounding whispers caught his attention. Following the sound out of curiosity, he turned the corner to find the red headed dancer from earlier pressed up against the best man, who was decidedly  _not_  the gentleman she had been dancing with.

There appeared to be a rather lovely garden out back and the couple was clearly using it to their advantage for a clandestine rendezvous. Graciously deciding to leave them be, Loki steered himself well away from them and took to a cobblestone path.

It led him to a whimsical fountain and Loki found himself appreciating the beauty of it. Surrounded by greenery and the soothing sound of running water, Loki allowed himself to relax.

Thor was getting bolder and less controlled every day now. The purposeful touches, the low growl to his words, the searing eye contact. It was driving Loki crazy: forcing himself to hold still, to wait, when every bone in his body wanted to surge forward and close that last bit of distance between them.

But he couldn't. Because as intent and lingering as Thor's gaze was, there was always, always just the slightest hint of fear.

And Loki couldn't handle that. Fear and lust were a sickly combination that he would never act upon.

Loki didn't know how long he spent out there, blindly staring at the fountain without really seeing it. The wind picked up and the sun was starting to set. Loki shook his head, realizing that he should probably head back inside.

When he turned around, however, he saw Thor.

Expecting to feel all of the ire and frustration creep back, Loki was surprised to find himself feeling calm, serene even. There was something magical about this moment. Something that forbade any ill emotions from intruding upon the tranquil beauty of the garden. And without all of those meddlesome, messy emotions, Loki was once again able to appreciate Thor in his simplicity.

Thor with his kind eyes and effervescent smiles. Thor with his god-like appearance and the arrogance it had bred. Thor with his open heart and his ability to change, to become a better person. Thor with his quick temper and his willingness to forgive just as quickly. Thor with his easy affection and fiercely protective nature.

Thor, who was Loki's constant. Thor, who had always been there for Loki, who had seen Loki through his toughest times and who had never stopped looking at Loki as if he were the most precious thing on this Earth.

Thor, who was speaking and looking so beautifully earnest it was painful to look upon.

"How can you possibly transfer feelings that have been around seemingly since your birth? Feelings that have grown with you and become inexorably interwoven into the very fabric of your being? I –"

Loki felt his eyes widen and his heart stutter as if they didn't belong to him, as if he were an outside observer with absolutely no control over his body. And then Thor was kissing him and Loki was just standing there.

Thor pulled away, looking so discouraged it just about broke Loki's heart and suddenly his limbs were his own again.

"You have always been  _so slow_  Thor. I should have known you would make me wait  _years_. "

Tugging Thor closer, Loki kissed him with years of confused longing and complicated feelings, years of caution and fear, years of patience and understanding. Years of playful wrestling and inside jokes, years of sneaking into each other's beds and sharing secrets, years of sniping at each other one minute and covering for each other the next.

Years of learning each other.

Years of loving each other.

And when Thor kissed him back Loki was reminded of one time he scraped his knee and Thor gave him one hundred kisses to heal the hurt, the time he brought home a stray dog named Fenrir and Thor helped him hide the puppy for weeks until their parents inevitably found out, the time he nearly stepped off the Bifrost Bridge only to land safely in Thor's arms.

When they fell a moment later, they fell together.

* * *

Loki blinked his eyes open, an unusual bone-deep feeling of comfort settling over him. He glanced around at the perfectly white covers strewn around him and sat up. He was wearing nothing but a pair of too-big boxers. Focused on the contrast between his pale skin and the deep red of the boxers, Loki only realized that the bathroom sink had been running when the sound of water hitting porcelain suddenly stopped.

The door creaked open and Thor stepped out wearing one of the ridiculously fluffy hotel robes and Loki bit back a laugh, though not quickly enough.

"What?" Thor asked, an answering grin spreading across his face. "What are you laughing at so early in the morning?"

Loki eased himself back onto the bed, smiling openly. "You," he said without taking his eyes off Thor's blue pair.

"Ah, so nothing unusual then," Thor said as he approached the bed. He climbed on and crawled towards Loki, boxing him in against the headboard with strong arms.

Turning away at the last moment, Loki avoided the kiss. Resisting the urge to kiss away Thor's pout, as it would defeat the purpose, Loki stared expectantly up at Thor. "Say it again," he demanded.

Thor didn't bother pretending he didn't know exactly what Loki was asking.

Leaning down so that their lips brushed with every word he spoke, Thor began, "I am –"

* * *

"–sorry I'm late!" Thor said as he stepped through the door, already shucking off his coat and shoes.

"It's fine." Loki sat at the kitchen table, fingers steepled together. The smile that touched his face when Thor brushed a kiss against his cheek was subdued. "Dinner is on the stove."

"How were your classes?" Thor asked. He served two plates of stir fry from the pan and brought them to the table, taking the seat across from Loki.

Loki shrugged, picking at his food with his fork while Thor dug in. "I finally understand the meaning of 'senior slump.'" He set his fork down. "Listen, Thor, about this morning –"

Reaching across the table, Thor took Loki's hand in his. "I apologized then and I will apologize again. I do not mean to pressure you. Though I may wish to shout our love from the sky, I respect that you may feel differently."

"Thor you cannot possibly think that I love you less," Loki said, squeezing Thor's hand roughly. "Every morning that I wake with you lying beside me you cannot imagine the self-control I must exhibit not to scrawl my name across your forehead with permanent marker."

"Loki!"

" _But_ ," Loki continued, powering through Thor's scandalized gasp, "It's different for me. What if they disown me?"

"Mother and Father would never do that!" Thor protested.

"You can't know that," Loki said.

"If they did then they would have to disown me as well!"

Loki rolled his eyes. "That is sweet, but there is no need."

"If it is for you, then there is need," Thor said seriously.

Smiling fondly, Loki took an envelope and slid it across the table.

"What's this?" Thor asked. He ripped open the seal in that brutish way of his. "Plane tickets home? Does this mean?" His bright blue eyes pierced into Loki's.

"We can tell them," Loki said, nodding.

"Loki, these tickets are for a roundtrip with the same arrival and departure dates."

"Yes, the plan is to tell them and then run like hell."

"Okay," Thor said, grinning. Loki did a double take.

"Wait, really? You're not going to ' _Loki_ ' me in that deep, disapproving, big brother voice?" Loki asked incredulously.

Thor shook his head, smiling. "It means a lot to me that you are willing to do this, Loki. The particulars do not matter so much." He twined their fingers together. "My only wish is to no longer have to hide the most important thing in my life. I am not seeking approval."

Biting his lip, Loki ducked his head. "I know this, I  _do_. Yet I still have this irrational fear that if they made you choose –"

Thor leaned across the table, a hand coming up to hold Loki's neck. "Loki, no! You must realize that it is never a question. I will always,  _always_  choose you. Mother and Father and the rest of the world's opinion will not change the fact that I am in–"

Loki drinks the rest of the words from his lips.

* * *

"Flowers? For me? You shouldn't have," Loki cooed, greedy hands already pulling the bouquet away from Thor.

Thor laughed. "You deserve them. Congratulations, Loki."

Loki smiled just a touch shyly, nervous fingers playing with the tassel on his mortarboard. "Thank you." Then, clearing his throat, he added, "We should leave soon for the after party. America told me if she didn't see me within the first few minutes she will have assumed that I am ditching and will track me down and drag me there herself."

"Of course. However, I did make plans for us later this evening, so if you do not mind leaving early…" Thor trailed off here, looking very smug about his secret plans.

Grinning, Loki stepped into Thor's open arms. He looped one of his own arms around Thor's shoulder. "Truly? No lecture about being more social?" Loki asked, rubbing his fingers into the skin of Thor's neck.

Thor tightened his grip on Loki's hips. "I enjoy seeing you happy. And having you to myself is never a hardship."

Licking his lips unconsciously, Loki leaned in even closer. "Oh? And why is that?" he asked, green eyes glinting playfully.

Grinning now, Thor brushed the tips of their noses together. " _Because_  I am in love –"

* * *

"Love, what are you doing?"

Thor looked up, bug-eyed. "Surprise?"

Loki stepped further onto the deck in their backyard, making sure to shut the screen behind him lest any insects find their way into the house. "Is that – I…I am not certain what that is supposed to be," he admitted, hands upon his hips as he looked down at the mess Thor was sitting in the middle of.

Sighing, Thor let a piece of wood drop from his hand. "It is meant to be a swing. You said you dreamed of having a swinging bench on the porch to read on," he said. He frowned at the various furniture parts lying around him. "It seems it is more complicated than I thought it would be."

Loki chuckled "The architect cannot put together a swinging bench? How drole." When Thor glanced away, pouting, Loki sighed. Squatting down, he hooked a long finger under Thor's chin and forced the other to meet his eyes. "While this is incredibly sweet, you did not have to go to such trouble. We've only just moved in. There is plenty of time to add personal touches."

Thor looked upon Loki with adoring eyes. "I simply want everything to be perfect for you. I love you."

Loki smiled, eyes fluttering shut for a brief moment as a warm rush of affection filled his chest. "Come, let's get you cleaned up," he said, rubbing his thumb against a smudge of dirt on the bridge of Thor's nose. "The chair can wait."

Standing, Loki turned, expecting Thor to follow. Instead he was halted by a welcome embrace, large hands circling his stomach to pull him back against a hard chest. Full lips pressed against his neck as their owner nuzzled into his favourite place.

"It really happened. This is really our home, isn't it? Ours. Our home, our life. Sometimes I fear that this is too good to be true. That it is but a dream and I will wake to find that I never had the courage to tell you how I felt, that you didn't feel the same," Thor said, whispering the confession straight into Loki's skin. "And so I made a promise to myself: that if this really is a dream, then I should not take even a second of it for granted. That I should dedicate every breath to making you as happy as you make me, that I should never let a day go by without telling you how much I feel for you. I am in love with you, Loki. And I plan to tell you this every day for the rest of our lives."

Loki shuddered, knowing that Thor could feel it and not caring. When Thor said 'I love you', it was a sentiment that made Loki smile, made him feel safe. It was a reminder of their brotherhood, of their shared childhood and the pure love that had blossomed with it.

But when Thor said 'I am in love with you', it imparted a completely different feeling. The kind that caused heat to pool in Loki's abdomen and his heart to clench painfully. There was nothing brotherly about that declaration. It was a straightforward statement that left no confusion in the emotion behind it.

Loki spun around in Thor's arms and kissed him hard, fingers tangling in Thor's too-long hair. Breaking away to rest his forehead against Thor's, Loki sucked in a noisy breath. "Thor," he breathed, "You sentimental fool. This is not a dream, this is  _us_. We have always been inevitable; this is a truth I know as surely as I know the chemical make up of the very air we breathe. We were made for each other. And though the path we took to get here was more convoluted than either of us would have imagined, I have no doubt that we were always going to get here. I know in my heart that since birth, every step I took, every choice I made led me towards  _you_. It has always been  _you_ , Thor."

Hands cupping Thor's face, Loki let down every shield that he had. He didn't need them here, not with Thor. He allowed the overwhelming love he felt shine out of his unguarded eyes. "I am in love with you, Thor. You once told me that no matter the situation, you would always choose me. Know that this holds true for me as well. I will always choose you too, Thor."

Loki brushed a gentle kiss across Thor's forehead and then trailed his lips down both eyelids and cheeks, feeling Thor's stuttered breath against his face. Finally, he allowed their lips to connect once more, lightly.

"We chose each other, and I think I speak for us both when I say that it was the best decision either of us has ever made."

 

**/Every Choice Led Me To You**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been fun writing this sequel that I hadn't intended to write until it hit me like a bus.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it. Now that I've broken the 'seal' - so to speak - when it comes to writing Thorki, I hope to write more for the fandom and the pairing. It'll just be a matter of inspiration.
> 
> Comments are always appreciated! Let me know what you thought.


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